Becoming a parent was a choice I made knowing full well that I would be needed—though I certainly didn’t anticipate just how much. Keeping another person alive takes a toll on both the body and the mind. Despite that, I continued to have more children, fully aware of the dwindling free time ahead. It’s a sacrifice we make for our kids and our families.
Some days, I embrace the chaos and understand that the demands for my attention will ebb and flow. Children will always need their parents, regardless of what anyone says. However, the nature of those needs will shift over time as they seek out friendships and begin to craft their own narratives. Even so, there are moments when I feel overwhelmed by their dependence on me.
The idea of indulging in a favorite hobby without interruptions—like being asked to open a jar, searching for a Band-Aid, or helping with homework while juggling dinner prep—feels almost like a distant dream. At times, I yearn for solitude so intensely that I fantasize about locking myself in my car or checking into a nearby hotel just to reconnect with myself. I don’t need extensive time; a brief check-in now and then would suffice. After over 13 years of motherhood, I’ve realized that prioritizing time for myself is crucial, no matter how weary or busy life gets.
That’s why, just the other night, while the rest of my family was peacefully asleep, I found myself chatting with a friend on Facebook Messenger. The night before, I was fighting to keep my eyes open as I immersed myself in a captivating book. Sure, I could have drifted off, but the blissful silence enveloping me, the comfort of my down blanket, and the occasional glance at the moon outside made it all worthwhile.
I’ve burned the midnight oil sewing a quilt, binge-watched HGTV until the early hours, and tackled projects like painting a cabinet or organizing the Tupperware drawer—all while the house was quiet. There’s something immensely satisfying about completing a task without interruption.
On weekends, I face a choice: linger in bed as the sun rises or sneak out for a morning run. I relish those moments alone with my thoughts while my children enjoy their sleep. I can wander at my own pace, stopping to admire a field of cows or a family of turkeys, inhaling the fresh air. When I return, I feel like a revitalized version of myself. I’ve learned that sacrificing sleep for ‘me time’ makes me a better mother. I’ve tried opting for more sleep before, but it didn’t alleviate my exhaustion. I’ve accepted that I will always be tired, so I choose to feel “refreshed” instead.
I cherish my role as a mother and embrace my children’s need for me. It’s a vital part of who I am, and I excel at being fully present for them. However, I also recognize that I need to nurture my own identity. Mothers often go through their days disconnected from themselves, forgetting the individuals they once were before children entered the picture. While motherhood has transformed us into better versions of ourselves, it’s essential to remember the person we used to be. She’s still there, and it’s perfectly okay for her to emerge every so often.
For me, those moments come at night when the kids are tucked in, and I reclaim the house as my own.
This article was originally published on April 5, 2017.
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Summary:
In this reflective piece, Jamie Parker discusses the challenges of motherhood and the importance of carving out ‘me time’ despite the constant demands of parenting. She highlights the necessity of reconnecting with oneself to be a more engaged and loving mother, emphasizing that it’s okay to prioritize personal interests and self-care.