Last month, my 9-year-old had a day off from school due to one of those dreaded conference days. After dropping his younger brother off at preschool, I found my son deep in the world of video games, and I was itching for a run. Normally, I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of leaving him home alone. However, he had been showcasing a newfound maturity over the last few months, handling chores responsibly, being kinder to his brother, and generally appearing more composed.
He was well-versed in essential safety knowledge: he could dial 911, knew not to touch the stove or engage in risky activities, and understood never to open the door for strangers. Our iPad was set up to text my phone, and he knew how to use it. We lived in a duplex with friendly neighbors upstairs and next door, all of whom were familiar with us.
So, I decided to take the plunge. I informed my son that I would be gone for precisely 20 minutes. We reviewed emergency procedures, and I explained my running route: a loop around our block, a few streets over, and back home. I would remain within two minutes of the house at all times and would jog past our home several times during my run.
In hindsight, I can see that I had a solid plan. Ultimately, my run and my child’s first experience of being left alone turned out to be completely uneventful. Yet, during that time, I was filled with anxiety.
Curiously, I wasn’t concerned about my son’s safety or even the possibility that something might happen to me. My worries revolved around what others might think. As I ran, I felt as if I were being watched. What if someone figured out I had left my son unattended? Would they accuse me of neglect? Would I have to justify his maturity? Would I need to retrace my route to prove I was nearby? What if Child Protective Services got involved? I found myself frantically questioning the state of our society.
When I was a child, my parents would leave me in the car while they dashed into the store for a quick errand. We played outside for hours without supervision. I distinctly remember being left alone at the age of 9 or 10 without a second thought. My mother made those decisions based on her instincts as a parent, and it was perfectly normal.
Today, however, that kind of freedom seems to have vanished. There are real consequences for a more relaxed parenting style. I’ve heard stories of police being called on families who allow their children to play outside, even in their fenced backyards. Some parents have faced legal action for leaving their toddlers in the car for brief periods on mild days.
Before writing this, I made sure to check the laws regarding leaving children home alone in my state. Fortunately, New York doesn’t impose a strict age limit for leaving a child alone. The law emphasizes the need for common sense and states that the decision should be based on the child’s maturity and the specific situation.
Thank you, New York, for valuing sensible parenting! However, knowing the legalities didn’t alleviate my anxiety. Even when I felt justified, the prevailing culture of judgment and shame from both parents and non-parents was overwhelming.
I aim to rise above these pressures, especially as my children grow and I encounter more situations that necessitate assessing their independence. I must remind myself that I know my kids better than anyone else and that I’m a responsible mother. Honestly, the opinions of others can take a backseat.
I wish society would reconsider its stance. While safety is undoubtedly a priority, we need to ensure we don’t swing too far in the opposite direction. Neglect exists, but in most cases, parents are doing a commendable job. If we could ease up on the judgment, believe in one another, and abandon the culture of fear, parenting could become a more empowering experience for everyone involved.
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Summary:
In a world where parenting decisions are scrutinized, I bravely left my 9-year-old home alone for a short run, only to be consumed by fear of judgment rather than concern for his safety. Reflecting on how parenting has changed, I wish for a society that supports and trusts parents more, allowing children the independence we once took for granted.