It was a sunny day at the beach when my son, Leo, oscillated between striving to be exceptionally well-behaved and struggling with his frustration. He chose the former when he walked up to a boy about his age and the boy’s family nearby. “Can you please stop making those siren sounds? They really bother me,” I heard him say from the distance.
As an autistic child, Leo proudly returned to me to share what he had done. He mentioned that the boy had hit his float after Leo asked him to stop. I knew he was telling the truth and was taken aback that no one from that family addressed the boy’s behavior. I felt a surge of annoyance when I overheard the grandmother exclaim, “What was that all about?”
I couldn’t fathom what was so perplexing about a child asking another child to cease a noise that frightened him. Once Leo was out of earshot, I decided it was time to explain the situation to the family. As I approached, I noticed the grandmother and some relatives tense up. I generally dislike confrontations, especially in front of Leo, as I never want him to view his autism as a justification for any behavior. However, I felt it was important to raise awareness and foster understanding about autism.
Two days prior, I had an enlightening conversation with another autism mom who rarely ventured out due to the harsh remarks and stares her son received. I encouraged her to get out more and suggested a group outing to the playground to promote autism awareness. With her in mind, I surprisingly felt calm as I approached the beach family.
“My son has autism, and certain sounds really disturb him,” I began, ready to elaborate but interrupted by one of them. “He also has autism,” a relative chimed in. “He’s mostly nonverbal and enjoys making that noise.”
Looking down, I saw a boy sitting in a beach chair, his face shielded by a large sunhat. His name turned out to be Alex. His mother and I exchanged a high-five, a gesture of solidarity between those who understand the unique challenges of raising a child who doesn’t fit societal norms. Amid the laughter and splashes of children playing, we felt a connection that transcended the typical parental experience.
Our brief conversation felt like a friendly exchange of statistics, but instead of sports, we discussed verbal versus nonverbal communication and our children’s sensory sensitivities. She smiled knowingly and said she could tell something was up when Leo approached them, even if Grandma didn’t seem to notice.
I expressed how significant it was for Leo to approach another child without resorting to yelling, highlighting this as a milestone in his self-advocacy journey. However, as all autism moms know, time is limited when kids are around, and our chat lasted less than a minute before Leo needed me again.
After saying our goodbyes, I spoke with Leo about autism and explained that Alex makes those sounds because they bring him joy or comfort. I reassured him that Alex, being the same age as Leo, might have hit his float out of frustration for being told to stop something that made him happy.
Leo seemed thrilled to meet another child with autism; when we got home, he kept exclaiming phrases like “autism is awesome” and “I love autism and special needs.” I never anticipated our interaction would take such a positive turn. I had prepared myself for a confrontation, but instead, I found a kindred spirit.
Leo may say he loves autism, and I cherish the fact that autism is prevalent, as it provides a sense of community and understanding in a world that can often be unkind. It was a pleasure to meet you today, Alex’s mom. I’m grateful you were there to recognize the significance of Leo’s self-advocacy. I hope that the next time someone approaches you about Alex’s sounds, your experience is just as positive as ours.
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In summary, connecting with fellow autism moms can bring a sense of comfort and validation, allowing for shared experiences that foster understanding in a world that can be challenging.