When it comes to taking a break, many parents, especially mothers, can relate to the phrase, “I could use a vacation.” It’s a sentiment echoed by countless moms who, whether juggling work or managing the household, crave a moment of respite from the whirlwind of parenting. We all know that sometimes, a little escape can be just what we need, and what better way to unwind than on a girls’ getaway?
I remember sharing my idea with my partner, Mark. “Sounds great,” he responded with a smile. “You deserve a break. Go enjoy some time with your friends.” With that encouragement, I eagerly reached out to my girlfriends, outlining a blissful weekend of spa treatments, poolside lounging, heart-to-heart chats, and of course, plenty of wine.
But then the responses started pouring in, and my excitement quickly faded.
- “I’d love to, but I’ve never spent a night away from my little one. I just can’t do it,” came one reply.
- “Sounds wonderful, but I don’t feel comfortable being away from my kids,” added another.
- “Overnight away from my toddler might be too much for me. Can we just plan a dinner instead?”
- “I could never leave my kids for a weekend. Sorry!”
In an instant, my dream of a fun-filled reunion with friends vanished, leaving me to question my maternal instincts and priorities. Guilt crept in: Is it wrong to wish for a short break? Shouldn’t I want to be with them every second? Does my love for my kids measure up to my friends’ love for theirs?
Let’s be clear: I’m not suggesting I need a weekend escape every month. Once a year? Absolutely. Surprisingly, I never anticipated that my biggest barrier to a girls’ weekend would be the lack of companions. I thought time constraints, financial limitations, or childcare issues would be the typical excuses. Instead, I found myself with a long weekend free, savings set aside, and a supportive partner on deck.
One friend expressed, “I really don’t know any other moms who would feel okay leaving their kids for a weekend.”
Ouch. It seemed I was the odd one out in my circle, and that brought on a wave of parental shame. The pressures to embody the “perfect parent” are relentless.
But as I reflected on my feelings, I realized that loving my kids doesn’t hinge on how much time I spend with them. I’ve shed tears when leaving them for just a night, and I often find myself thinking about them while I’m away. Different parenting styles don’t equate to a lack of love; they simply reveal that what works for one mom might not suit another.
It’s all too easy to judge each other based on our parenting choices. Labeling someone as an overly protective parent or an indifferent one only amplifies guilt for those already battling self-doubt. Just as I bristle at comments like, “I can’t believe you’re okay being away from your kids,” I know my friends might feel the sting of, “You’re missing out by not taking a break.”
So, do I love my kids less than they love theirs? The answer is clear: love manifests in various ways. It’s about what’s best for both your family and yourself as a mom. For some, that means being present with their kids nonstop, while for others, it allows for a little personal time and space.
While accepting that my friends and I share equal love for our children is comforting, it doesn’t resolve my vacation dilemma. So, who’s ready for a weekend getaway?
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In summary, taking a break doesn’t diminish your love for your kids. It’s about striking the right balance between self-care and family time, and sometimes, a weekend away with friends is just what the doctor ordered.
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