If you haven’t noticed, Facebook recently introduced a nifty feature called “On This Day,” which acts like a time capsule of your past posts. Each day, it resurrects memories from a year ago, two years ago, and all the way back to your Facebook debut. Some of these memories are heartwarming—like that adorable photo of your baby taking their first steps—while others can elicit a cringe-worthy reaction.
Take, for instance, that moment when Facebook reminded me of my former self, a time when I was nothing short of insufferable regarding parenting. Here’s a gem from my past:
“Wow, she seems like a blast. Let’s invite her to our next gathering.”
And then the comments spiraled downward. My pre-parent self proclaimed I would never, ever parent the way some people do. I mean, what kind of mom gives her child an iPad during a lunch outing? The lazy kind, obviously! It’s called quality time, folks—give it a try!
Now, that embarrassing status serves as an annual reminder of my past judgmental self and, frankly, my hypocrisy. But I’m not the only one. Perhaps your own parenting faux pas aren’t etched in Facebook history, but let’s be honest: we’ve all made promises we’d never break as parents, only to find ourselves doing them anyway. It turns out time has a way of turning us into liars, and that know-it-all child-free friend? Yeah, their pants are definitely on fire.
Here are a few classic lies we’ve all told ourselves before embarking on the parenting journey:
- “I won’t let my child throw tantrums in public!”
Oh, that’s adorable. I hope you have a stash of candy, a tent at Disneyland, and a magical sleep-inducing dust to sprinkle around. Good luck avoiding grocery stores, bath time, and any semblance of discipline. - “My kid will always eat what I eat.”
Enjoy your menu of cheese, chicken nuggets, and juice boxes. - “I won’t leave the house looking like a zombie.”
Just wait until there’s spit-up in your hair, you haven’t slept in days, and your meals have become half-eaten snacks. If you can pull that off while looking glamorous, I’ll eat my hat. - “I won’t stop hanging out with friends just because I have kids.”
Enjoy that late-night drink while you can; once the baby arrives, your mornings will be filled with spilled juice and toddler antics. Netflix in pajamas will suddenly become your best friend. - “My kids won’t play with those noisy, plastic toys—only eco-friendly wooden ones!”
But here’s the deal: while the wooden toys don’t require batteries, your kids sure do. “Mommy, come play with me!” is the new soundtrack of your life. VTech is your new best friend; the shinier and louder, the better! - “I’ll never use technology to distract my children at restaurants.”
Right. When you’re exhausted and just want a moment of peace with some garlic knots, you’ll gladly hand over that iPad. Daniel Tiger isn’t hurting anyone! - “I won’t blame my kids for being late.”
Just wait until you actually plan to leave early. Potty accidents, missing socks, and baby blowouts will make you rethink that statement. If you love me, you can wait while I clean up the mess. - “My kids won’t watch TV. No way.”
*spits out coffee* Hilarious! Sorry to break it to you, but they will. - “I won’t waver from my parenting ideals.”
Ouch! How’s that high horse treating you? We’ve all been there, and it’s time to cut yourself some slack. Put on a movie and let it go; babies are adorable little wrecking balls who will demolish your best-laid plans.
So go ahead, lower your expectations, acknowledge your parenting fibs, and pour yourself a generous glass of wine. May I suggest a nice red? It pairs perfectly with a side of crow.
For more insights into parenting and the challenges that come with it, check out this resource on home insemination or find reputable at-home insemination kits to help you on your journey. And if you’re looking for additional guidance, WebMD has great information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, we all start with high hopes for our parenting journey, but reality often leads us in a different direction. Embrace the chaos, laugh at your past self, and remember: you’re not alone in this wild ride of parenthood.