Lately, I’ve been reflecting on my son Jake’s approach to homework. He’s a typical 9th grader: intelligent, analytical, and occasionally driven, yet often indifferent. While his grades are decent—he’s snagging a few A’s—his organizational skills could fill a library. They’re certainly not ideal, but they’re pretty standard for his age.
This morning, I stumbled upon an article in The Atlantic advocating for a more involved parenting style when it comes to high school homework. The author argues that parents should step in to teach essential organizational skills to teens, especially since many schools might not address these needs. Teachers often recognize disorganized students but may not offer the necessary guidance. One of Jake’s teachers once told me, “He’s incredibly bright and insightful, but he struggles with student skills.” That’s true.
I share the concern that many kids, especially boys, might not develop these vital skills on their own. I often check in with Jake about his homework, and I make a point to monitor his screen time to ensure he’s not just scrolling through social media. He might label me a nag, but I’ve realized I need to adjust my approach.
Finding a Balance
Here’s where I diverge from the article’s perspective: I believe that learning often comes from sources outside the home. I concur with educators urging parents to take a step back. I want to adopt this mindset more, though not to the extent that I’m oblivious to his academic struggles, especially if poor grades signal deeper issues like anxiety or substance use. Generally, I think it’s essential for kids to navigate their own homework responsibilities—even if it occasionally leads to lower grades. After all, they should have the opportunity to discover what works and what doesn’t while the stakes are relatively low.
We do place a strong emphasis on education in our home, so Jake understands the importance of grades. My husband and I both have advanced degrees, and our daughter, a senior, has been fixated on college for years. She has her academic goals firmly set, and her organizational skills are impressive.
However, I don’t enforce the same homework routine for Jake that I do for his sister. I don’t penalize him for unfinished assignments, and, truth be told, we’re not facing failing grades, so I can’t comment on that level of pressure. I’ve stopped discussing his online grades, and I no longer hound him about overdue assignments. We do offer to quiz him for tests, but if he declines, that’s his call—I’ve stepped back from being a homework enforcer. When he asked for a planner at the start of the semester—saying it might help him keep track of assignments—I promptly bought one, but I haven’t checked to see if he uses it.
The Importance of Personal Accountability
Here’s my stance: we need to ease our anxiety over mediocre grades stemming from insufficient executive skills. Recent brain research shows that the adolescent brain isn’t fully developed until the late 20s or early 30s. Teen brains, particularly those of 9th-grade boys, can be chaotic, which is often when parental stress about grades peaks. Nonetheless, I believe it’s crucial for kids to take ownership of their homework responsibilities. If they ask for help, great; if not, that’s okay too. They’re at an age where personal accountability is essential.
Stepping back, however, requires a long-term perspective. I don’t subscribe to the belief that poor high school grades lead to disastrous futures; feel free to disagree. Yes, lower grades might hinder entry into prestigious colleges or even state schools—so be it.
Looking Ahead
Will I completely stop worrying about Jake’s homework? Probably not. I’ll likely drop hints about study strategies now and then, but I want him to understand that his homework is vital for his future, not just a ticket to more screen time. Unless he requests it, I won’t be pushing the planner or any other tools.
For those interested in exploring more about parenting and educational strategies, check out this insightful post on executive skills. And if you’re looking for reliable resources on pregnancy or home insemination, I recommend visiting March of Dimes for excellent support. For at-home insemination kits, Cryobaby is a reputable online retailer worth checking out.
In summary, while I still care about Jake’s academic performance, I believe it’s important to step back and let him manage his own homework journey. This approach not only fosters responsibility but also helps him learn from his mistakes in a low-pressure environment.
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