18 Hilarious Things I Said While Up With the Baby

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Being a parent is a wild ride, especially when you have an 8-month-old who used to be a champion sleeper. Just last month, my little one caught a cold, and now her sleep schedule is a mess. Honestly, I can’t tell where one day ends and the next begins. Sleep deprivation has led me to utter some truly outrageous things to my baby. I hope she forgives me one day for my late-night ramblings.

Here are some classic gems:

1. Please don’t touch my face. I’ve been awake with you for over an hour. We’re not buddies!
2. I’m changing your poopy diaper, and I should be the one crying right now.
3. Stop flapping your arms like a wild bird!
4. This is why your dad wants to drive into the ocean.
5. Ugh… remember this moment when you’re a teenager.
6. Quit biting me! You’re acting like a little animal!
7. Stop kicking your little legs. I swear I’ll get duct tape if you don’t!
8. Do you see anyone else laughing? It’s like you’re on some crazy drugs. I want some drugs…
9. Normal people don’t wipe boogers on their face. You’re the worst roommate ever.
10. Don’t suck there. It’s not designed for that!
11. You were asleep!! You were asleep!! You! Were! Asleep!!
12. The dumb pacifier stays in your mouth, okay?
13. Your diaper smells like apricots. What on earth is going on?
14. This is why you have no friends.
15. I cuddle you, and you push me away. I put you down, and you cry. You’re as confusing as your dad.
16. Just tell me what you want! Not everything is a secret!
17. Stop being adorable. No one is cute right now. Just go to sleep!
18. Why are you smiling at me? Now I’m smiling back. I hate that we’re both smiling.

If you enjoyed this post, check out our other blog on Cervical Insemination for more relatable parenting laughs. Also, if you’re considering home insemination, Make a Mom offers trusted at-home insemination kits. For more information on pregnancy, visit Womens Health for excellent resources.

Summary: Parenting can lead to some pretty funny and outrageous moments, especially during sleepless nights. From bizarre comments to moments of sheer confusion, these phrases reflect the humorous chaos of caring for a baby.