When I was expecting my second child, I embarked on a determined search for the ultimate double stroller. Rather than tapping into the insights I should have gained from my first two years of motherhood, I found myself unhealthily fixated on this quest.
By “ideal,” I meant a stroller that was not only sturdy and smooth for long strolls but also light enough to lift in and out of my car without feeling like I was training for a weightlifting competition. I envisioned features like a reliable cup holder, adjustable handles, a user-friendly basket, quality wheels, and a price that wouldn’t exceed what I’d spend on a week’s getaway in Fiji. I successfully resisted the allure of the high-end Bugaboo for my first child and was determined not to fall into the trap of needing the “luxury” stroller as a second-time mom. That was my one piece of clarity.
Of course, the perfect double stroller was a myth. I was well aware of this fact when it came to single strollers, yet I chose to forget it. Most of my friends harbored regrets about their choices—whether it was flimsy baskets, wheels that were impractical for their cars, or complicated mechanisms that would require an engineering degree to operate. Yet, despite these pitfalls, most parents simply adapted and moved forward with their lives.
Despite my understanding of the situation, I squandered countless hours poring over online reviews about double strollers. It became a time-consuming obsession—an almost ridiculous pastime. In the end, we acquired two double strollers: a bulky one for leisurely walks purchased from friends and a lightweight, budget-friendly option for the car. Both are functional but far from perfect, just like the two single strollers we own for various purposes. Yes, we had four strollers, which might embarrass me, but we’ve since welcomed two more kids who have given all four models a real workout.
Rest assured, I have no more stroller-related wisdom to share. I eventually realized that this entire phase of my life had little to do with the strollers themselves.
As time went on, it became clear that my obsessive search was really about my desire to gain control over the significant changes in our family dynamic. Transitioning from one child to two was daunting, and I felt unprepared. I struggled with self-doubt—how could I manage two kids when I barely felt competent with one?
To be completely honest, there was more to it than just parenting insecurities. I was experiencing loneliness and boredom. After my first child was born, I left my teaching job and hadn’t yet begun writing. My social and spiritual life was lacking, and my confidence was low. I mistakenly believed my children required a perfect mom, one who was fixated on finding the flawless stroller, winter coat, or nursery color. I was worrying about trivial matters, thinking that selecting the perfect stroller would somehow influence our lives in a meaningful way. I had lost my grip on reality and vowed never to let that happen again.
These days, I encounter fewer of what I’ve dubbed “stroller moments,” a term my husband and I use for those times when I veer from logical decision-making into pointless obsessing. We have a few different code words to help each other regain perspective. This self-awareness tool provides me with an escape route from any mental rabbit hole I might fall into.
Currently, my “stroller moments” often revolve around friendships or writing challenges, but the underlying theme remains a misguided sense of control. Why is my cousin upset with me? Why hasn’t that editor replied to my email?
“Is this the double stroller dilemma all over again?” I might ask my husband. His expression tells me the answer even before I finish my thought.
One day, I’ll likely help my kids develop their own code words for moments of stress or confusion. For now, with their youth and good health, they deserve to relish their innocence for a while longer.
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In summary, the journey to find the perfect stroller turned out to be a reflection of my desire for control during a time of significant change. Understanding that I was fixating on material aspects rather than focusing on what truly mattered allowed me to regain perspective and embrace the chaos of motherhood.
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