Every parent knows that certain chores evoke a special kind of dread. Some people dislike cleaning the floors, while others can’t stand washing dishes. But I think we can all agree that laundry takes the cake as the most loathed household task. It’s a chore that can turn even the most patient person into a frazzled mess, akin to a parent dealing with an unending tantrum.
The issue with laundry is that it’s an endless cycle. Unless you live in a nudist commune, the laundry is never truly done. You may finish washing and drying what’s in the basket, but the clothes you’re currently wearing are now in need of attention, as are the garments everyone else in the household has worn.
Unlike washing dishes, where you clean one item and call it a day, laundry involves a multitude of steps. You must gather, sort, wash, dry, fold, and then finally, put everything away. It feels like an Olympic event, but one without any medals or glory.
To illustrate the depths of my aversion to laundry, I’ve compiled a list of 50 things I’d rather do than deal with this never-ending chore:
- Launch a rocket to Mars with 17 toddlers.
- Have a comedian perform surgery on me.
- Relive my middle school years.
- Give up chocolate for eternity.
- Abstain from alcohol forever.
- Attend a political rally I disagree with.
- Bathe in hot sauce.
- Look like a character from a cartoon.
- Let my child give me a haircut.
- Experience the birth of a whale.
- Allow my kids to play with craft glitter.
- Wear a bridesmaid dress every single day for a year.
- Get a paper cut on my eyeball.
- Have a perpetual sunburn.
- Walk barefoot through the snow uphill both ways.
- Host a holiday dinner for a celebrity family.
- Live next to a hyper-religious neighbor.
- Endure constant home renovations with loud tools.
- Survive in a world without disinfectant wipes.
- Part with my beloved yoga pants.
- Appear on a sensational talk show.
- Face a future without the ability to groom myself.
- Develop a sudden intolerance to dairy.
- Watch a marathon of a show I detest.
- Join a strict religious group.
- Trim my toenails with a machete.
- Share a living space with an eccentric celebrity.
- Hire a messy character as a housekeeper.
- Listen to my toddler’s knock-knock jokes endlessly.
- Own a pet snake.
- Vacation with an overly large family.
- Read comments on a controversial news site.
- Sit next to someone eating a strong-smelling fish.
- Eat a plate of kale.
- Have a famous chef critique my cooking skills.
- Go to a restaurant only to find out they’ve eliminated my favorite dish.
- Kiss a stinging sea creature.
- Attend a long-running musical premiere.
- Walk barefoot in a theme park after a storm has caused chaos.
- Indulge in fast food and then struggle to find a restroom.
- Reverse a personal medical procedure.
- Diagnose all my ailments using an unreliable website.
- Wear a bright leotard to a formal event.
- Become a person who collects too many pets.
- Live out all my worst stress dreams.
- Become a target for an archery team.
- Explain a complex movie series to someone unacquainted.
- Make a theme park ride my permanent home.
- Experience discomfort every time I try to find privacy.
- Watch as my hidden snack stash is devoured by my kids.
I could keep going, but the dryer has just chimed, signaling it’s time to fold the clothes and resign myself to yet another round of this soul-sucking task.
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In summary, laundry is a tedious, never-ending chore that many dread. However, there are countless other activities that seem far more appealing than tackling this household task.