Updated: July 21, 2016
Originally Published: June 15, 2016
Every so often, the United States faces the grim reality of its ongoing struggle with mass shootings. Names of towns like Columbine, Fort Hood, Sandy Hook, and Aurora resonate as reminders of this persistent crisis. Recently, the tragedy in Orlando has forced us to confront this issue once again. Yet, for us mothers, complacency has never been an option.
In the aftermath of such violence, our anxiety is palpable. It’s often said that having a child means allowing a piece of your heart to wander outside your body. Our fears are not for ourselves but for our children. Those who lost their lives in Orlando were once beloved children, and the thought of their mothers frantically calling their phones, only to be met with silence, is harrowing. We live in constant fear: the reality of our children being harmed is an ever-present nightmare.
The perpetrators of these horrific acts—like Dylan, Adam, and Omar—are motivated by terror. They aim to instill fear and disrupt our lives. While we may refuse to let these terrorists control our minds, they undeniably capture our hearts. We mothers are terrorized; we fear losing our precious children.
Our worries permeate every outing. At the mall, we wonder if those toy cars our little ones ride in could provide any cover. In stores like Target, we find ourselves scanning for places to hide in case of an emergency. The thought crosses our minds: Could I use a shirt to make a tourniquet should the worst happen?
At Walmart, we silently question if we can keep our children quiet if danger strikes. What if the baby cries and draws attention to us? In movie theaters, the memory of a past shooting lingers, and we know those flimsy seats offer no protection.
When we attend church, we remember past tragedies and fear that gunfire could erupt from a semiautomatic weapon. Our instinct is to shield our children with our bodies, praying they remain unharmed. If we are part of a marginalized community, we worry about being targeted for who we are, picturing our children in harm’s way.
Sending our children to school is a source of dread as we recall kindergarteners practicing active shooter drills and the innocent lives lost at Sandy Hook. We kiss our high schoolers goodbye, haunted by memories of Columbine, and wonder if the warning signs will be recognized in time.
Every trip outside becomes fraught with anxiety. Angry individuals with firearms are now just as common a fear as traffic accidents or other dangers. Our minds race with worry, especially in the wake of mass shootings. The relentless nature of these thoughts is exhausting. Yes, it is terror, resurfacing time and again. Yes, we are victimized—over and over. Yet, we persist. We continue to visit malls, shops, and theaters. We allow our children to go to school. We refuse to let fear dictate our lives. However, as mothers, we remain deeply affected.
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In summary, the fear that encompasses motherhood in the wake of societal violence is overwhelming. We navigate our daily lives with anxiety, yet we do not let that fear define us. We strive to protect our children and cherish every moment.