Parenting
Navigating the Tightrope Between Order and Disorder
Updated: August 25, 2023
Originally Published: March 16, 2016
There are days when I’m simply exhausted from being the glue that holds everything together. Perhaps that sounds a bit whiny or accusatory, but I assure you, that’s not my intention. I cherish the gift of motherhood and deeply appreciate my partner, Mark, for all he contributes to our family. He is incredibly generous and endlessly supportive.
However, he isn’t me. He doesn’t feel the weight of constantly managing the chaos — the balancing act of soothing a crying baby while stirring dinner with the other hand. He’s not particularly concerned if the upstairs hasn’t seen a vacuum in weeks or if our toddler is wearing mismatched socks. To him, life just happens, and he takes it in stride. I wish I could adopt that same mindset, but I can’t help feeling that if I dropped the ball, everything would unravel.
This past weekend, our family joined Mark’s siblings and mother for our annual ski trip. As usual, the packing fell squarely on my shoulders. Mark packed a small duffle with his belongings, while I was responsible for everything else: my clothes, toiletries, winter gear, along with onesies, diapers, sippy cups, snacks, and even a teddy bear for our toddler. I packed extra mittens, a cooler full of groceries, and all the necessary electronics to keep us entertained during the drive.
About 90 minutes into our journey, I suddenly remembered that I had forgotten the spices for the beef stew I had planned for Saturday night. They were still sitting in the spice rack at home. As we crossed into New Hampshire, I also realized that my snow pants were still tucked away in a box in the attic. And on the second day of our trip, Mark asked me if I had remembered the Bluetooth speaker. I hadn’t.
At that moment, I found myself fixated on what I forgot rather than on the countless other items I had remembered. I am the organizer, the planner, the one who ensures that everything runs smoothly. If I fail to keep track of details, the consequences ripple through our family — sometimes in trivial ways, like a missing speaker, but at other times, they can be significant.
This isn’t a new struggle for me; it’s a constant battle. Some days I manage my responsibilities as a mother with grace and confidence. I feel empowered, proud of my capabilities. But on other days, the burden feels insurmountable.
On those tougher days, I often hear the advice to “let it go” and “prioritize what truly matters.” The implication is clear: my children are what’s most important. And they are growing up faster than I’d like to acknowledge. I know I should focus on these fleeting years, but I grapple with a persistent question: what happens when the one holding everything together decides to take a step back?
Does that mean we abandon the concept of clean clothes? Do we ignore the dwindling toilet paper supply? Will I stop scheduling doctor’s appointments and let bills pile up? Will dinner become a chaotic free-for-all? How can I discern what to maintain and what to release?
I imagine there are mothers out there who have found a way to balance the extremes of chaos and structure. They might not mind a messy house, as it signifies happy kids. They don’t stress over forgotten appointments or abandoned meal plans. They’ve learned to let some things slide while maintaining the overall balance of family life.
As for me, I aspire to join their ranks someday, but today, I still have a long journey ahead. If you’re exploring similar challenges, consider reading more about pregnancy and home insemination to gain insights that might help you navigate your path. For further information, visit this excellent resource from the CDC on infertility FAQs.
In conclusion, while the struggles of motherhood can often feel overwhelming, finding the right balance between chaos and structure is an ongoing journey. With each passing day, I hope to discover more clarity in what truly matters.