Notes I Should Probably Be Writing to My Children’s Teachers

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Children are truly astonishing creatures. Their boundless imaginations lead them to express the most whimsical thoughts and pose the most peculiar questions. These traits are endearing when we’re in the comfort of our homes, but what happens when these imaginative little ones step into the school environment? That’s when, as parents, we start to worry about what they might share with their teachers. With my lively twins in pre-K and my inquisitive 3-year-old in preschool, I often feel the urge to clarify a few things.

Here are some notes I should probably send to my children’s educators:

RE: Misunderstandings of Injustice

Dear Teacher,
I hope this finds you well! I wanted to take a moment to clarify something my daughter might have mentioned. Contrary to her claims, I have never placed her in any sort of tower—mainly because we don’t live in a castle! Also, I’m not sure why she keeps saying, “Mommy’s going to take me to jail!” I assure you, I’ve never threatened her with jail time and I’m definitely not a police officer, despite my occasional daydreams about that kind of authority. Just wanted to clear up any potential confusion regarding her tales of incarceration. Wishing you a fantastic day!

RE: The Mysterious “Boyfriend”

Dear Teacher,
Hi! This is a bit awkward, but I wanted to explain in case my daughter brings it up in class. I do not have a boyfriend living abroad. What she might be referring to is my cousin who resides in Hong Kong. He’s more of a family friend. When she calls him “Mommy’s boyfriend,” she simply means a “boy” who is a “friend,” and yes, he’s my cousin. Just for clarity, my husband and I are happily married. Oh, and just to clarify further—my husband is not my cousin! My 3-year-old mixes those terms up sometimes, leading to some interesting comments like “Daddy is Mommy’s cousin!” Thanks for understanding!

RE: The Blood Incident

Dear Teacher,
I wanted to apologize for my daughter arriving at school this morning with what can only be described as a bit of a bloody face. Okay, so “covered in blood” might be a stretch, but she did have some blood on her shirt and face that I missed until she was in the bright lights of your classroom. She’s quite a nose-picker, and this morning was particularly aggressive. I was preoccupied holding down her sister for teeth brushing while the other twin was having a boot crisis. I’ll ensure she’s looking a bit more presentable tomorrow! Thanks for your patience.

RE: Santa’s “Anatomy”

Dear Teacher,
Good afternoon! I wanted to give you a heads-up about a rather awkward topic. My daughter has been persistently curious about the anatomy of fictional characters. Recently, she’s been asking whether Santa, being a boy, has a penis. I understand this isn’t a question anyone wants to ponder, but as she’s 4 and lacks brothers, it’s become a fascinating subject for her. If she happens to ask about Winnie the Pooh, I would love to hear how you address that one, too. He doesn’t wear pants, so it’s a bit of a puzzle. Thanks for your help with this delicate matter!

I’m grateful for the wonderful teachers who handle these quirks with kindness and humor. Parenting is a journey filled with hilarious and imperfect moments, and I’m just trying to navigate it all with a smile (and a few notes ready to go).

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Summary:

Navigating the whimsical world of children’s thoughts can be challenging for parents, especially when they bring their imaginative ideas into the classroom. From clarifying misunderstandings to addressing curious questions about anatomy, it’s essential to maintain open communication with teachers. With humor and clarity, parents can help ensure their children’s school experience is as smooth as possible.

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