So, your dad called me at work and said you mentioned that I forgot to teach you how to do laundry. You might think it’s a parenting fail on my part, but honestly, it was all part of the plan. For 18 years, I took care of your laundry so you could focus on more important things like studying, building your resume, and mastering the art of socializing on that Kim Kardashian: Hollywood app.
But since you’re heading to the dorms tomorrow, it’s time to roll up your sleeves and learn! Here’s your crash course:
- Check the Labels: First things first, look at the tags on any fancy or expensive clothes to see if they require dry cleaning. But wait—let’s be real. You can’t afford dry cleaning, so just toss those garments aside. Why did we ever buy anything dry-clean only? Let’s donate it and take the tax write-off. We need that cash for your tuition!
- Sort by Color: Next, it’s time to separate. Dark colors like blues, blacks, and grays go into one pile; reds, oranges, and pinks into another. And don’t forget your whites! If you mix your reds and whites, you’ll end up with a wardrobe that looks like a cotton candy explosion—ALL PINK!
- Washing Time: Ready to wash? Great! Toss your darks into the machine. Set it to cold water and choose a cycle—permanent press, heavy-duty, whatever floats your boat. Add a capful of detergent (or even less, since that stuff is pricey and your clothes aren’t exactly workout gear). Turn the machine on—just pull the knob or press a button. Easy peasy!
- Remove and Hang Dry: When the machine stops shaking, it’s time to remove your clothes. Those short shorts? Yeah, let’s not make them any shorter. Hang-dry delicate items in your room using whatever you can find—hooks, chairs, or even your bunk bed. Remember, you’ll have two roommates, so be considerate and keep your space tidy. You don’t want to attract ants, or worse! But also, don’t be a pushover. If your roommates are bringing home guests every night, speak up—don’t just bury your head under a pillow!
- The Red Load: Repeat the washing steps for your reds. If you’re running low on machines, and your reds are older than your last birthday cake, feel free to toss them in with the darks. But seriously, with the tuition we’re paying, there better be enough machines for everyone! And don’t get stuck in classes that don’t interest you—avoid “Finnish Folk Art and Technology” or “The Films of Jean-Claude Van Damme.” You need to prioritize, like a boss.
- Whites, Time to Shine: For whites, turn the water temperature up to hot. Follow the previous steps, but add a half cup of bleach in that little compartment at the top. Speaking of hot water, remember your main job is to get an education. School, work, fun—keep that order in mind! And hey, if you’re going to enjoy yourself, at least don’t be the wildest one at the party. Stick to good old-fashioned weed (if you must) but remember, moderation is key.
- Drying: Finally, it’s drying time! Gather those items that don’t need to hang-dry and toss them into the dryer. Set it to medium or low heat—never hot, or you’ll think the Freshman 15 has already hit.
Oh, and don’t forget to wash your towels every few days and your sheets every week or two—three weeks? Gross! Maybe grab some dryer sheets, and always remember to have fun because before you know it, you’ll wish you could relive these days.
Love, Mom
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Summary
This guide offers a lighthearted yet informative approach for college students to tackle laundry, emphasizing the importance of organization and personal responsibility. It also includes reminders about prioritizing education and enjoying the college experience.