As a mother of twins, I’ve come to realize that people are fascinated by twins. I get it; two babies at once is a remarkable sight! I’ve mastered the art of the polite smile that says, “Yes, they’re twins, isn’t that sweet? Now, let’s wrap this up!” But sometimes, people just don’t take the hint. They say things that can be downright exasperating.
So, the next time you see a mom with a double stroller at the grocery store, please remember these tips on what not to say.
WHAT NOT TO SAY: “Are they a boy and a girl? Are they identical?”
Listen up, folks! Biology basics: identical twins are formed from a single egg that splits, resulting in two clones. My kids look nothing alike and, oh yeah, they’re different genders. They’re as identical as any regular brother and sister—which is not at all! We’ve never had a mix-up, and if we did, well, a quick diaper check would clear things up. Bottom line: having fraternal twins is like having two siblings born at the same time.
WHAT TO SAY INSTEAD:
If you spot boy/girl twins, try saying, “Fraternal twins! How wonderful!” Not only will it brighten the mom’s day, but you’ll also earn points for your knowledge.
WHAT NOT TO SAY: “I always wanted twins!”
Really? When I found out I was having twins, my first thought was more like, “Oh gosh! Two babies at once?!” I was overwhelmed with images of double the crying, double the feeding, and double the dirty diapers. I’d be outnumbered! The thought of never sleeping again was terrifying. Sure, I love my babies more than I ever imagined, but some days, I fantasize about how much simpler life might be with just one.
WHAT TO SAY INSTEAD:
A simple, “Fraternal twins! How lovely!” expresses your appreciation without judgment—everyone wins.
WHAT NOT TO SAY: “Glad it’s you and not me!”
I get it; two babies seems like a lot. Even managing one is tough, so I understand your surprise if you think about having multiples. But you know what? Having twins is fantastic! Those two little ones share giggles, chat at night, and support each other in ways that are just heartwarming. I’m thrilled it’s me experiencing this joy, and I hope you can appreciate that too.
WHAT TO SAY INSTEAD:
Yep, you guessed it—“Fraternal twins! How lovely!” (Spotting a pattern here?)
WHAT NOT TO SAY: “Two at once! Now you’re done!”
Who made this rule? Just because I have twins doesn’t mean I’m done having kids. What if I dream of having three, five, or even more? It’s not anyone else’s place to comment on how many children I should have or not have.
WHAT TO SAY INSTEAD:
“Fraternal twins! How lovely!” (This is your new mantra, folks!)
WHAT NOT TO SAY: “Are they natural twins?”
No, just no. What does that even mean? As if there’s such a thing as “artificial” twins? Yes, some fertility treatments lead to multiples, but discussing someone’s reproductive history is off-limits and quite sensitive. It also suggests that spontaneous twins are somehow inferior, and that’s just not true. Please don’t ask anyone about their conception story—ever.
WHAT TO SAY INSTEAD:
Nothing. Just walk away. (Or yes, “Fraternal twins! How lovely!” works here too.)
Next time we cross paths at the supermarket, feel free to say hello! Just remember, please don’t ask if my kids are identical. For more insight into the joys of twins, check out this blog post on our site. And if you’re considering at-home insemination, Make A Mom offers excellent syringe kits for your needs. Plus, for details on success rates with insemination, WebMD is an invaluable resource.
In summary, when encountering a mom of twins, it’s best to stick to the positive and avoid any assumptions about her parenting choices or her children’s identities. A little sensitivity goes a long way.
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