In the throes of my own battles with severe postpartum depression and anxiety, I found myself grappling with relentless, intrusive thoughts. I worried obsessively about everything—from the mundane, like whether my vehicle would crash, to the catastrophic, such as the survival of my children in an imagined nuclear disaster. I questioned my abilities as a mother and feared that my constant worrying was damaging to my kids. Thankfully, my partner, Mark, was there for me. He guided me to a psychiatrist who prescribed the necessary medication, provided me with much-needed rest, and ensured I had nutritious meals. His support was invaluable. However, one thing Mark never did was tell me to “just get over it.”
A similar situation arose when I opened up about the abuse I experienced as a child. Discussing how it shaped my past and continues to impact my perception of my body was incredibly daunting. Even after nearly three decades, the pain lingers. There’s a common impulse to suggest that I should “get over it” since it happened so long ago, but doing so wouldn’t change a thing.
Disappointments are no different. When I feel disheartened because my child threw a tantrum in a store or my card was declined at a restaurant, being told to “get over it” doesn’t alleviate my feelings. In fact, it often intensifies my frustration. The reality is that no one has the right to dictate how another person should feel. Emotions aren’t something we can simply turn off at will. Telling someone to “get over it” is not only unrealistic; it’s inherently frustrating.
If it were as easy as just “getting over it,” believe me, people would be doing that all the time. Nobody wants to linger in negative emotions, whether it’s sadness, anger, or grief. The only way to truly navigate these feelings is to let them flow through us and eventually fade away.
Using “get over it” dismisses the fundamental nature of human emotions. It also implies that struggling with feelings is a sign of weakness, which is a damaging and incorrect notion. Experiencing emotions is not a flaw; rather, it’s part of being human. When you tell someone to “get over it,” you’re essentially invalidating their feelings and suggesting that they shouldn’t be experiencing them at all.
Moreover, being told to “get over it” can make a person feel unseen and unheard. If you genuinely listened to their concerns—be it grief, anger, or disappointment—you would realize that they cannot simply “move on” without processing what they’re going through. Instead, a supportive response might be, “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way,” or “I wish things were different for you.” Such responses acknowledge their feelings and demonstrate understanding.
A dismissive “get over it” feels inadequate and even rude; it’s akin to saying that someone’s emotional experience is an inconvenience. Making someone feel like a burden is not only cruel, it also shifts the focus from their pain to your discomfort. It’s essential to recognize that when someone is hurting, their feelings deserve attention, not minimization.
You cannot simply instruct someone to “get over it,” whether it concerns mental health issues, the loss of a beloved pet, a bad day, or even political disappointment. It’s trivializing, inconsiderate, and heartless. In essence, telling someone to just “get over it” reveals a lack of empathy and understanding.
If you find yourself at a loss for what to say—there are plenty of compassionate alternatives. Saying “I’m really sorry” or “I hope things improve for you” can go a long way in offering support.
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In summary, telling someone to “get over it” is detrimental and unhelpful. It dismisses their feelings, minimizes their experiences, and ultimately reflects poorly on the person delivering the message. Practicing empathy and understanding is far more beneficial.