10 Commandments for Visiting New Moms

Get Pregnant Fast

By: Emily Parker
Updated: Feb. 12, 2021
Originally Published: Feb. 17, 2015

In recent years, there’s been an influx of articles highlighting what new moms really need post-delivery. These often feature beautifully arranged gift baskets filled with everything from soothing lotions to handcrafted baby foot sculptures. However, as a new mom myself (and yes, that year feels recent!), I can’t help but feel that these offerings often miss the mark.

When my little one arrived, I quickly realized that I didn’t want most of those items. In fact, I had already stocked up on essentials during those long, drawn-out days leading up to the birth. So, if you’re planning to visit a new mom, remember these commandments. Though she may not voice them, they represent what she truly desires from your visit.

1. Thou Shalt Bring Food. If I’m fortunate enough to have a network that’s coordinated meal deliveries, that’s wonderful. But trust me, I’m still hungry! After all, I’ve just completed a marathon of sorts, and the fatigue is just beginning. If you know I’m getting dinners, consider bringing breakfast, lunch, or even some delicious snacks, like muddy buddies. And don’t assume I’m on a diet—I really just need good food!
2. Thou Shalt Compliment My Appearance. I may feel like a hot mess, but please tell me I look radiant. I know better, but your encouragement can help lift my spirits. You’ll need to dig deep for sincerity, but trust me, it will mean the world when I’m feeling less than glamorous.
3. Thou Shalt Entertain My Older Kids. Watching my energetic little ones near the new baby is nerve-wracking. They love their sibling, but let’s be honest—they can be germy little tornadoes! I appreciate them, but a little time away while I cuddle my newborn and snack on muddy buddies would be golden.
4. Thou Shalt Clean Without Asking. Please don’t ask how you can help; just jump in! Tackle the dishes, make the bed, or even dust if you’re feeling ambitious. Just steer clear of my laundry—my unmentionables are off-limits, even for friends.
5. Thou Shalt Follow My Lead on Birth Stories. I may either be tired of recounting my birth story or eager to share my heroic journey. A simple “How did it go?” will let me lead the conversation. If I change the subject, roll with it. If I dive in, prepare for an epic tale!
6. Thou Shalt Not Compete with My Birth Story. No matter how incredible your cousin’s sister’s tale of childbirth is, today, my story is the star. Birth is tough, no matter the circumstances, and today it’s all about my experience—no comparisons allowed.
7. Thou Shalt Not Judge My Birth Choices. This might be tricky, especially since I might already feel your judgment. If I had a C-section and know you had a natural birth, I might think you’re judging my choices. Please, assure me that’s not the case. I’m hormonal and need your support!
8. Thou Shalt Not Critique My Parenting Decisions. While I trust you’re not visiting to pass judgment, I’m always on high alert for any signs of disapproval. Parenting choices can be contentious, and unless there’s a genuine concern for my baby’s safety, they’re none of your business. A simple supportive attitude will go a long way.
9. Thou Shalt Offer Advice Only When Asked. You might be a baby expert with years of experience, but I’m the authority on my child. Unsolicited advice can make me feel incompetent, so please save it for when I reach out for help. I may need it; the baby brain is real.
10. Thou Shalt Respect My Time. I’ll decide when I’m ready to return to normalcy. Anyone who thinks I’ll bounce back in a couple of weeks clearly hasn’t experienced motherhood. The first year is a whirlwind of chaos and beauty, and I’ll need your patience and understanding through it all.

For more insights on new motherhood, check out this other blog post here. And if you’re considering at-home insemination, make sure to visit this site for trustworthy insemination kits. Lastly, for a wealth of information on fertility, Medical News Today is an excellent resource.

In summary, if you’re visiting a new mom, keep these commandments in mind. Your support, understanding, and kindness will make a world of difference during this beautiful yet challenging time.