Once your little one starts school, they become immediately acquainted with the infamous ‘Box Top.’ I can almost guarantee that on the very first day, the teacher not only introduces herself but also instills a sense of urgency about THE BOX TOP into our kids’ minds!
“MOM! It helps our school!”
“Box Tops are funding our new gymnasium!”
“Box Tops will take us to Sea World!!”
“Box Tops SAVE THE WORLD!!”
These are all (possibly exaggerated) claims my child has made while we navigate the grocery store aisles.
Now, before you label me as a neglectful parent who refuses to support her child’s school (and, okay, I might be a little neglectful, but I do care about the school), let me explain… My child has a baffling skin condition. Doctors are stumped by the cause of her itchy, troublesome rashes. I’ve spent a fortune on traditional medicine, as well as every alternative remedy you can think of.
- Essential oils? Check.
- Steroid creams? Check.
- Blood tests? Check.
- Food allergies? CHECK.
Have you ever noticed that Box Tops are practically non-existent on organic products? I’ve scoured every grocery store and found them on maybe four organic items—four! The best solution for my little itch monster has been sticking to an organic diet. It’s a hassle, costly, and downright frustrating. But she’s my kid, and I want her to be comfortable, so organic it is for us!
Organic = No Box Tops
No Box Tops = EVIL MOTHER WHO DOESN’T WANT HER CHILD TO GO TO SEA WORLD!
Honestly, I feel like General Mills and Sea World have teamed up against me. It’s like Sea World knew I’d never set foot in their park again after watching Blackfish, and now they’re trying to get me with the sinister Box Top scheme.
So, to avoid being that parent, I’ve resorted to shopping at Costco for items that do have Box Tops and won’t irritate my daughter’s skin—like Ziploc bags. Each trip, we stock up on enough Ziploc bags to pack around 6,000 sandwiches, and as soon as we get home, we tear into the boxes. My daughter then takes her 12 Box Tops to school the next day, and all is well with the world. If there’s ever a shortage of Ziploc bags, just call me! I’m stocked up for years.
Recently, I’ve realized I’ve run out of space to store all these empty Ziploc boxes, so I’ve upped my game and started hunting for Box Tops online. Believe it or not, I’m now in a bidding war on eBay for 500 Box Tops. Brilliant, right? I’m currently leading at $42.00.
After placing my ‘maximum bid’ on these cardboard tokens that feel like gold, I decided to look up their actual value. TEN CENTS. That’s right—TEN. CENTS. If I had known that each Box Top I meticulously sought out was only worth a dime, I’d simply hand my kid a few dimes every time we passed the cereal aisle. Honestly, it would be way easier, right?
Since I lost the bidding war to BoxTopQueen2023 on eBay, I’m pulling out the crumpled ‘emergency’ twenty-dollar bill from my wallet, heading to the bank, and asking for precisely 200 dimes. That should cover me for at least the next year—after all, that’s 200 Box Tops.
If you’re interested in more information about home insemination, check out this helpful post: Intracervical Insemination. For authoritative insights on the topic, visit Cryobaby At Home Insemination Kit. And for a comprehensive guide to donor insemination, look at this excellent resource: American Pregnancy.
In summary, Box Tops may seem like a harmless school fundraising initiative, but for parents like me, they can lead to some absurd situations. Finding a balance between supporting the school and ensuring my child’s health is a juggling act. I may not be winning any parenting awards, but at least I’m trying!