Co-sleeping when you’d prefer not to? Here’s how to navigate the nightly chaos when your little one is determined to share your bed, whether you like it or not.
Nighttime Chronicles
11 PM: Begin the night with everyone nestled in their own beds or cribs, convinced this arrangement will last.
12:30 AM: Rise to shush the baby back to slumber.
1:30 AM: Get up again to rock the baby, only to find he’s wide awake and ready to party.
2 AM: A bathroom break calls. You silently regret skipping those pelvic floor exercises.
2:45 AM: Return to rocking the baby—unsuccessfully, as he seems intent on testing the limits of your patience. Cold and weary, you finally surrender and bring him into your bed, promising yourself it’s the “last time” (again).
2:50 AM: Time to follow co-sleeping safety protocols: protect your vital organs and hair from baby kicks and grabs as he wriggles into position.
2:55 AM: A surprise kick to the temple. How did that foot even reach there? Stay professional and only curse internally.
3 AM: You and your partner cling to the edge of the bed, baffled at how one tiny human can commandeer so much space and sprout extra limbs.
3:10 AM: Mimic a silent conversation with your partner about your octopus-like child while he cheerfully stumbles off to the spare room, leaving you clinging even tighter to the edge.
3:15 AM: While waiting for the baby to settle (read: stop throwing punches), you feel relieved to be lying down instead of standing in the nursery playing ‘shush-pat’—a game you’re starting to despise.
3:20 AM: Just as the baby drifts off, your throat urges a cough. Attempt to suppress it, but it escapes as a strangled bark—charming.
3:25 AM: Struggle to free your hair from the baby’s iron grip. Exhausted, you try to sleep through the pain.
3:26 AM: Nope, that’s not happening. Another round of internal cursing ensues.
3:30 AM: Thoughts cycle through your mind: No one else co-sleeps. Co-sleeping is organic. Co-sleeping creates dependency. Co-sleeping is right for us. I’ll regret this. Is my scalp bleeding? Are we out of bread?
3:55 AM: Glance at your sweet baby, appreciating the closeness as he snoozes beside you. Listen to his gentle breathing and start to doze off.
5:15 AM: Jolt awake, frantically checking that the baby is still there. He is—using your weak bladder as a pillow.
5:20 AM: Ignore the urgent need to use the bathroom and will yourself to fall back asleep. Contemplate if wetting the bed is a viable option to keep the baby sleeping. Still undecided.
5:25 AM: Gently nudge your baby’s head away—success! Back to sleep you go.
6:15 AM: Wake to your baby joyfully whacking you with his pacifier, grinning from ear to ear. Another successful night—for him, that is.
Further Reading
For more tips on navigating the wild world of parenting, you might enjoy our other posts, like this one about intrauterine insemination and how to make it work for you.
And if you’re looking into at-home options, check out this artificial insemination kit that can help you on your journey.
To further explore the topic of co-sleeping and parenting, visit our blog for insightful advice and relatable stories.
Summary
Navigating the world of co-sleeping when you’d rather not can be a complex journey filled with humor and exhaustion. This guide takes you through the nighttime antics of trying to maintain your own sleeping space while accommodating your little one’s needs. From unexpected kicks to silent curses, parenting is a wild ride, but the moments of closeness make it worthwhile.