Ah, the joys of parenting teenagers! You thought you were done deciphering toddler speak, right? Well, welcome to the world of puberty, where communication feels like translating a foreign language—one that’s often hostile.
What I say:
We need to leave in five minutes or we’ll miss the bus.
What my teens hear:
Perfect! Time to try on half my wardrobe, toss everything onto the floor, and take an extra hour in the bathroom.
What I say:
Please go take a shower.
What my teens hear:
If you simply turn on the water and lock the door, you can chill out for at least 45 minutes. Who cares if you don’t actually wash anything? Just enjoy that hot water, even if it’s wasteful!
What I say:
I’m making a shopping list; what do you want for dinner next week?
What my teens hear:
Food is coming! I’ll devour everything the moment you bring it home. No worries—I can always convince you to buy more!
What I say:
Time to get up for school.
What my teens hear:
Just groan a bit, and I’ll come back in 10 minutes, repeatedly, until we’re almost late. It’s not like I have anything else to do!
What I say:
Clean your room, please.
What my teens hear:
Just shove everything under the bed and behind the dresser. A little air freshener should mask the smell, and I’ll leave the vacuum running without actually moving it. Perfect!
What I say:
I’m on the phone; could you lower the volume?
What my teens hear:
Blah blah blah. Just turn it down for a second and then crank it back up. Who keeps the volume below 70, anyway?
What I say:
I don’t think that’s appropriate for your age.
What my teens hear:
Go ahead and watch it when I’m not around! I just need to say I disapproved, so I can complain later.
What I say:
Did you fill the car with gas last night?
What my teens hear:
Did you put in a measly 32 cents just to say you did?
What I say:
Can you stop fighting for a moment?
What my teens hear:
Yell louder and break something. That’d be awesome. And if I have to raise my voice six more times before threatening military school, even better!
What I say:
I need help cleaning up here.
What my teens hear:
Time to escape to another room!
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In summary, parenting teens is an exercise in patience and translation. The disconnect between what we say and what they hear can be comical (and sometimes frustrating), but it’s all part of the journey.