It’s 1989, and you’re a 14-year-old who is decidedly not winning any beauty contests. Picture this: you’ve got frizzy, permed hair (thanks to a misguided loyalty to your brush), braces, and an orthodontic headgear that looks like it’s straight out of a medieval fairytale. You’re starting at a new high school, completely friendless and feeling like a fish out of water.
Welcome to my life.
Typically, these awkward duckling tales culminate in a glamorous transformation—a swan-like figure who dances with the prom king or morphs into a Molly Ringwald-esque character. But my journey through the land of Awkward was a slow stroll, not a sprint. I eventually shed the perm and the braces and hit puberty, but the bookish, nerdy side of me remained intact. While others were getting attention from senior boys, I was busy forming strong friendships and enjoying the little things in life.
And you know what? I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything.
While my peers were busy perfecting their bangs and getting swept up in the whirlwind of high school drama and pressure to experiment with adult activities, I had the luxury of time. I soaked in the joys of family, devoured books, laughed with my friends, played sports, and studied diligently. I was blissfully content, far removed from the clutches of popularity, and I learned how to embrace my true self.
Now, as I stand at the threshold of the teenage years with my own kids, I hope they too experience a bit of awkwardness—a protective buffer before the waves of teenage temptations crash down. I want them to indulge in silly hobbies and share goofy jokes with friends instead of diving headfirst into the world of dating, drinking, and other potentially intimidating adult behaviors.
Because let’s be real, it can be downright terrifying. I remember a friend, Karen, who faced peer pressure to drink in eighth grade. She often wished her parents had enforced stricter rules. Unlike me, she wasn’t wrapped in a cocoon of uncoolness; she hung out with the popular crowd, which made her vulnerable to risky situations. With no solid boundaries from her parents, she succumbed to the pressures that I was fortunate enough to avoid.
As much as I’d like to ensure my kids are as un-cool as I was, I can’t control that. So, what do I do? I found some wisdom in Lisa Damour’s book, Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions Into Adulthood. Although it’s primarily aimed at girls, it offers valuable insights that apply to our teenage boys as well. Damour emphasizes the importance of avoiding extremes when addressing peer pressure.
If we threaten our kids with severe consequences, they’re less likely to reach out to us when they find themselves in over their heads. On the flip side, trying too hard to be their friend and join in their social scene can backfire. Instead, as Damour suggests, the safest kids are often those who can point to their parents’ “crazy rules” to deflect risky behaviors. When surrounded by friends, they can assert, “My mom can smell trouble from a mile away, and you don’t want to see her freak out.” Whether that’s entirely true or not, it allows our kids to maintain their cool factor while keeping them safe.
Ultimately, our job as parents is to embrace our uncoolness. Who knew that my awkward teenage years were actually a training ground for this pivotal phase of parenthood? Bring on the teenage years, kids! I’ll be ready with my nerdy wisdom.
For more insights and resources on parenting during these tumultuous years, check out our other blogs like this one. You might also want to explore Cryobaby’s home insemination kit as a helpful tool in your journey. And for those diving into pregnancy topics, this resource is an excellent guide.
In summary, embracing an awkward teenage phase can be a blessing for kids, offering them the time to grow and develop before facing adult pressures. As parents, we can create a supportive environment that allows them to navigate these years safely while remaining true to themselves.