“Wow, they’ve really grown up!” My husband, Mark, looked astounded, as if he’d just noticed a tree sprouting overnight. His expression was a mix of bewilderment and nostalgia as he turned to me for confirmation.
“I have no idea when it happened,” he continued, searching my face for answers.
Oh, but I do. Like many significant changes in life, this transformation had been unfolding gradually over the years, though neither of us wanted to acknowledge it. For me, I had seen it coming from a distance. The reality was, the early years had never quite suited me, even from the start. These days, during our quiet moments spent tackling chores like laundry, we often reminisce about our little ones. While I had watched them grow, Mark seemed to just now be realizing it.
“I remember holding them in one hand when they were so tiny,” he sighed. “Can they really be gone for good?”
“Don’t be so dramatic,” I replied, trying to lighten the mood.
“I just miss them, that’s all.” He wore a pained expression, wounded by my indifference.
“I’m sorry, but when they were that little, they could be downright annoying!” I chuckled. “Isn’t it time to be honest about these things? Some women seem to breeze through it, but for me, it was always a challenge. Endless nights with little ones driving me up the wall? I can admit that now.”
“How can you say that?! They were so cute!” Mark exclaimed.
“Cute to you, maybe, but they were crawling all over me 24/7!” I shot back playfully.
“I know you see it differently, but I really miss that,” he said, looking off into the distance, lost in thought.
“I’m sure you do, but they always woke me up in the middle of the night. Ugh.” I rolled my eyes dramatically.
“They woke me up too!” he laughed, unable to resist a smile.
“Do we need them around to be happy? Is that what kept us together?” I asked, probing deeper.
“No, don’t be silly. They just added a lot of excitement to our lives back then.”
“Excitement? For you, maybe. I can barely recall how tiny they were; it’s all a blur,” I admitted.
“Oh, I can remember everything,” he said with a hint of pride.
“Do you remember how expensive they were?” I countered.
“Like it’s any cheaper now?!” he shot back, raising an eyebrow.
We exchanged knowing glances in the silence. He wanted me to agree, and I was starting to waver.
“How about we start fresh?” he suggested with a mischievous grin. “What do you think about having another batch?”
My resolve returned immediately. “Absolutely not!” I exclaimed. “Have you seen these stretch marks?” I sighed dramatically. “Those days are long gone. To be honest, I never even wanted the last two! It was a moment of weakness, just to make you happy — when I look at them, all I feel is regret!”
“You take that back!” he insisted.
“I wish I could take them back!” The confusion etched on his face was palpable.
I tried to soften the blow, patting his shoulder as I spoke. “We can’t dwell in the past. We have to cherish the good memories and appreciate what we had.”
“Well, I do have photos,” Mark replied wistfully, swiping at a tear.
“Oh goodness, are you crying? Again?” I teased lightly.
“No, but sometimes when I see them now, I feel like I could cry,” he admitted, a hint of vulnerability in his voice.
I grasped his hands, hoping to bridge the emotional gap. “Sure, it’s a huge adjustment for both of us, but I’m happier now. Don’t you see?“
“Huge,” he echoed, still processing.
“Yes, I know, but it was time to move on,” I pressed.
He stared at the laundry, avoiding my gaze as if it were a brick wall. “I’m over 40 now,” I reminded him.
“So what? I’ve seen women way older—” he started.
“Stop right there! You’ll never understand what I’ve felt. It’s different for me! I’m finally free! I can breathe again!” I exclaimed, my emotions spilling over.
Mark attempted a smile, but I could tell he still didn’t fully understand. “You’ve always had that freedom. I don’t need your judgment; I need your support.”
He regarded me with a resigned expression, then picked up my enormous, beige granny panties from the laundry basket, waving them dramatically.
“I guess it’s true what they say. They really are only little once.”