Let’s face it: my son has always had his sister, who’s just a year younger, as his constant playmate. He’s never really experienced the art of playing solo. So, I can’t completely blame him for his struggles. However, I can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy when I watch his sister dive into her dollhouse for hours of independent play without needing a partner. If she can do it, why can’t he? I find myself stuck in a loop of analysis, trying to figure out why independent play isn’t in his wheelhouse, but the reality is that having a child who relies on constant companionship can be exhausting.
The toughest part? Hearing him whine, “No one will play with me.” Those words hit me hard, instantly filling me with guilt. I have plenty of valid reasons to be occupied—household chores, work responsibilities, phone calls, cooking, searching for my missing sanity, you name it. But when your son, whom you adore, looks so downcast and simply wants someone to join him in his play, it’s hard to shake off that heavy mom guilt.
I’ve made a solid effort to introduce activities that promote independent play—coloring, puzzles, building blocks, and Play-Doh. He enjoys them initially but quickly pivots to asking, “Mom, can you play with me?” His insistence leaves me drained, as he struggles to understand that sometimes, I just need a moment to breathe. The concept that solo play can be liberating—no need to share or take turns—seems lost on him. He’s just a little boy who thrives on companionship, and it’s a challenge for both of us.
I do my best to engage with him. I participate in his imaginative games, endure endless discussions with stuffed animals, and read stories while tucked into his blanket fort. I cherish these moments because he seeks my attention, and even after nearly five years of motherhood, it’s tough to decline his request when more pressing matters await my attention.
I want him to recognize his worth, to feel that he’s fun and lovable, so I spend as much time as I can playing with him. But I also need him to grasp the importance of self-play—to think independently and enjoy his own company. Unfortunately, instilling this trait in a toddler isn’t straightforward. How do you encourage someone to appreciate solitude when they’ve always had a playmate? How can he learn to find joy in his own thoughts when all he wants is companionship?
I know he needs to develop his independent play skills. I understand I can’t drop everything to engage in every make-believe adventure. His sister deserves her space, and I can’t force her to join him. But how do you overcome the guilt that comes with telling your child you simply can’t play? I’m still searching for that balance. I genuinely hope to find it soon because, honestly, I’m not sure how much longer I can endure the never-ending block towers.
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In summary, navigating the world of independent play is a challenge for both my son and me. While I strive to engage him and foster his sense of self, the struggle with guilt over my inability to play as much as he needs remains a daily battle.