Recently, I decided to host a dinner party—a bold move considering my past as a frequent hostess during my married life. After my divorce, the thought of entertaining felt overwhelming. I found myself feeling unfortunate, lost, and unloved in my new single status.
Back when I was married, I received plenty of invitations to gatherings, but now, as a single woman in my forties, I often felt like a modern-day Countess Olenska, my independence viewed as a social threat. I could feel the judgment from my married friends as I engaged with their husbands, longing to yell, “You know I love your partners! But I promise, I wouldn’t even look at them if they were the last men on Earth!”
However, the endless dinners spent only with my kids made me crave the joy of sharing a meal with peers. Since invitations were lacking, I decided to take charge and create my own opportunity.
A vibrant young couple I know—let’s call them Lily and Jake—had recently reunited after a break, and I thought it would be the perfect excuse to whip up a feast. Their rekindled romance was like a spark that ignited my determination to take action in my own life instead of simply waiting for it to unfold.
My late father always used to say, “You make your own luck.” As a child, I believed luck was just chance, but life has taught me otherwise. I’ve learned that while luck can be tricky, intention is what really holds it together. It’s about patching the gaps in your life where good fortune can find a foothold.
At that dinner, the guests included the lovebirds, along with a fellow I met on my very first blind date—yes, 24 years after my last one! Just thinking about the nerve it took to even send that initial text asking him out made my heart race. I felt like a jellyfish on my way to meet him, but we ended up chatting for hours, finding solace in our shared experiences of heartbreak. Fast forward eight months, and he’s now my best friend.
One memorable lesson he taught me was, “Don’t just do something, stand there.” At first, it sounds counterintuitive, but sometimes, choosing not to react to the chaos around us is a powerful form of intention. I found this wisdom particularly useful as I navigated my new single life and the reactions it drew from friends and family, which were not always supportive.
Among my dinner guests was another couple I had introduced and some new acquaintances I’d met at another friend’s gathering. I admired one of the wives so much that I took a leap of faith and emailed her, simply saying, “I like you and want to be your friend.” Let me tell you, it takes guts at 49 to reach out like that! But the thrill of vulnerability can lead to unexpected connections.
During the dinner, as I took in the beautiful scene—the flickering candles, the vibrant flowers, and the joyful laughter—I felt a moment of profound gratitude. My life, with all its imperfections, had led me to this place, and I actually felt thankful for the messy journey that had pushed me to embrace vulnerability again.
Just then, the peaceful atmosphere shattered with a loud crash, followed by my 8-year-old’s wails. “I was trying to climb down from the top bunk!” he sobbed, having toppled his shelf. The remnants of his adventure were scattered across the floor—books, toys, and more. Ironically, this reminded me of a similar incident two years ago with the exact same shelf during a time of personal upheaval.
“It’s alright,” I reassured him. “You’re okay. We’ll handle the mess after dinner.” My blind date-turned-best friend, who has a knack for fixing things, offered to lend a hand. After washing the dishes, he grabbed some tools and set to work on the damaged shelf, his focus intense.
I had procrastinated fixing that shelf for weeks, but he was determined. “It’s amazing what you can do with a little creativity,” he said, using toothpicks and glue to reinforce the shelf’s anchors. It felt solid once he was done, and I was amazed at his ingenuity.
We stepped back, proud of our small victory. Even amid the chaos—the toys, the debris, and the remnants of dinner—we had fixed one small thing. Sometimes, it’s about tackling just one problem at a time. The rest could wait for another day.
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In summary, embracing the challenges of life can lead to unexpected joys and connections. Taking intentional steps, even in the face of chaos, can transform our experiences and relationships.