It’s 6 p.m., and my living room looks like a tornado hit it. My 4-year-old has unleashed a whirlwind of toys, from superhero figurines to an entire art supply collection scattered across the floor. Just when I ask him to help tidy up, he dramatically flops down and whines, “Mommy, I’ve never been this exhausted in my whole entire wife!”
Of course, he meant “life,” and while his adorable dramatics almost make me want to do it all myself, I resist. I’ve been there before.
My older son, now 9, is the reason I’m determined not to repeat past mistakes. I may have spoiled him a bit, but thankfully he’s turned out relatively well-adjusted—mostly because I’ve had to step in and enforce some discipline in recent years.
With a five-year gap between my kids, I had the privilege of pouring all my attention into my firstborn. I didn’t wait on him hand and foot; I made sure he knew to clean up his toys and take responsibility. However, I also let him off the hook way too often. If he resisted picking up after a play session, I’d offer a half-hearted compromise like, “Okay, just pick up three toys, and I’ll handle the rest.”
Let’s be honest, it’s just quicker for an adult to do the chores than for a slow-moving 5-year-old. I made excuses, thinking he was too young for that level of responsibility. Some days, I was just too worn out myself to deal with his protests, wishing only for a clean house and a moment of peace.
I naïvely believed he would eventually take on responsibilities without my constant reminders. But I was wrong. A few years back, I realized it was time to change that narrative. I had to stress to him that contributing to our home isn’t optional; it’s part of being a family member.
This shift wasn’t easy for either of us. We faced meltdowns and a lot of unlearning of bad habits. Thankfully, we’ve moved past those hurdles. I hold myself accountable for letting him have a free ride for so long, which is why I refuse to repeat that cycle with my younger son.
From the moment he could follow simple instructions, I made it clear: he needed to throw away his sticky yogurt napkin and clean up his toys. “I’m tired” isn’t an acceptable excuse in our house.
Sure, there have been protests—like the time he sat there, sobbing and claiming he couldn’t possibly pick up his train tracks. But I haven’t budged. When you have multiple kids, the reality is you simply don’t have the luxury to clean up after them every day.
Even if you have only one child, I urge you to avoid falling into the trap of leniency. Kids need boundaries. They should only be assigned chores that are suitable for their age. Every family has different standards of cleanliness; for instance, I absolutely cannot tolerate a living room full of LEGOs, but I don’t mind a mountain of dirty dishes in the sink for a little while.
No matter how you approach it, make sure you don’t make excuses. It may seem easier to let them slide, but think about the adults you want your children to become. I want my sons to grow into responsible men who can handle a kitchen and take out the trash without being asked.
Sure, it can feel ten times easier to just do it all yourself, but that leads to raising a generation of entitled kids. So let’s all commit to avoiding that pitfall, shall we?
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In summary, while parenting can be an exhausting journey filled with challenges, it’s crucial to establish responsibility and discipline early on. This sets the foundation for your children’s future and helps them grow into caring, responsible adults.