After navigating the emotional rollercoaster of my eldest daughter’s tween years, I find myself wishing for a bit less drama and a tad more reasonable dialogue. A mom can dream, right?
While raising a teenage daughter is undeniably easier than dealing with a tween—thanks to my heart being a bit more calloused and my nerves steeled after that wild ride—there are still plenty of challenges that keep us on our toes. I’m figuring out when to step back as she discovers her independence, celebrating her victories and helping her learn from her mistakes. She, in turn, is realizing that making mistakes is part of the journey, that it’s okay to seek my guidance when things get tough, and that embracing her own unique light is essential.
Reflecting on my own teenage years in the vibrant ‘80s, I can’t help but notice the vast differences in today’s world. Yet, a few ‘80s hits often pop up on my playlist that seem to perfectly encapsulate the experience of raising my teen daughter today:
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Duran Duran, “Girls on Film”
Or more accurately, “Girls on Snapchat,” which is today’s equivalent of film—if only they knew what film was! My nearly 14-year-old is constantly snapping selfies, some artfully ugly and others that just melt my heart (#nofilter). I remind her that what goes online is forever, but she just rolls her eyes and keeps snapping. -
The Clash, “Should I Stay or Should I Go”
Deciphering when my daughter wants my help with homework or a tricky social scenario versus when she’d prefer I just give her space can be a challenge. My instinct is to hover, but I know she needs to learn how to navigate life on her own. Lately, I’m focusing on recognizing when she needs me… and when she doesn’t. -
Madonna, “Like a Virgin”
We have some pretty candid conversations about relationships and sex—much more than I ever did with my mom. While part of me wants to shout “Abstinence!” the other part remembers the hormones of my teen years and opts for a realistic discussion. We talk about what to do when the time comes, how to communicate desires clearly, and the importance of safety and respect. Honestly, it makes me squirm a little, but who said parenting teens was easy? -
Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock, “Joy And Pain”
Just because she’s better at managing her emotions than she was as a tween doesn’t mean my daughter doesn’t still have her moments. Her emotional outbursts are less frequent but intense. Whether it’s joy from acing a test (cue cartwheels and singing “Eye of the Tiger”) or frustration that sends her into a tailspin, her feelings are as vivid as ever. -
AC/DC, “Back in Black”
Once upon a time, I had a sweet little girl who loved all things pastel and princess. Now, I’m the mom of an edgy teenager who favors all-black attire—think ripped jeans and chic black tees. Every so often, she’ll opt for a dark gray tank or a burgundy sweatshirt. Is it a phase? Who knows? But she rocks the look! -
Pet Shop Boys, “What Have I Done to Deserve This?”
When my daughter throws a fit over the most trivial things—like forgetting a napkin or reminding her about her ride—I’m often left puzzled. What did I do to deserve this? Then it hits me: I’m dealing with a teenager. The answer? Absolutely nothing. It’s a reminder that their brains are processing so much, and not to take it personally. -
Salt-N-Pepa, “Push It”
If you think setting boundaries is tough with toddlers, just wait until they hit their teen years! For example, “Mom, can you pick me up from Juliet’s at 11 tonight? I found a ride!” While I admire her initiative, she’s pushing the limits of our house rules. It’s a balancing act—setting expectations while she tests those waters. -
Simple Minds, “Don’t You (Forget About Me)”
Amid her quest for independence, my daughter sometimes forgets that I’m just down the hall, ready to support her. She often tries to tackle life’s challenges solo or with her friends, but I remind her that I was once a teenager too and I’m always here for advice, a hug, or just to listen. -
Guns N’ Roses, “Sweet Child O’ Mine”
The best part of raising a teenage girl? You’ll never forget the sweet child she used to be. All those years of growth are culminated in her journey toward young adulthood. Sure, parenting her is sticky business, but through all the eye rolls and moments of rebellion, I know she carries a heart of gold.
Parenting a teen keeps me alert, but as long as we maintain open communication, be it through selfies, deep talks about relationships, or simply sharing wardrobe advice, I believe we’ll navigate this journey just fine. Perhaps I’ll even create a mixtape for her one of these days.
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Summary:
Raising a teenage daughter is a wild ride filled with joy, challenges, and a hefty dose of nostalgia. From navigating emotions to setting boundaries, the experience is rich with lessons for both mother and daughter. Through communication and understanding, the bond strengthens, paving the way for a positive transition into adulthood.