You find yourself pacing the floor at night, desperately hoping your kids will finally settle down so you can carve out just one hour for yourself. Juggling work, bills, life, and all the essentials a child needs feels like a circus act, especially when one parent floats in and out of the picture like parenting is just a casual hobby. It stings a bit when your kids are on their best behavior for that other parent, and you hold back your frustration because, well, someone has to be the grown-up here. You are the “there” parent.
Let’s face it: it’ll always be a bit tougher for you. There’s an extra layer of frustration that comes with it, but that’s okay. You know that the “there” parent might not be as exciting as the “not there” parent. Your presence isn’t something that’s awaited for days—your arrival is just part of the routine. You are the steady hand in your kids’ lives. A “constant” is something that remains unchanged, and there’s a certain comfort in that.
Your kids don’t have to “perform” or worry that their behavior might somehow impact your presence. Their little acts of defiance are just their way of showing that they feel secure. They can be themselves around you, and you’re there for it all.
Sure, being “there” might not be thrilling or glamorous. But the understanding that your presence is a normal part of their lives is a precious gift. They don’t have to wonder if you’ll stick around, so they can focus on just being kids. It’s not about the fireworks when you enter the room; it’s the steady glow of a nightlight that comforts them. The “not there” parent may shine brightly, but the “there” parent is essential.
Being “there” isn’t a walk in the park. You might feel taken for granted, expected to perform, and navigating it all largely on your own. But the rewards are something that the “not there” parent might never grasp.
To all the single, present parents out there—if it’s been days, weeks, or even months since you’ve heard it, let me say this: you’re doing an amazing job. You’re truly there.
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Summary
The “there” parent plays a crucial role in a child’s life, offering stability and comfort that may not always feel glamorous. While it can be challenging and often goes unappreciated, the consistent presence of a parent is a vital gift that allows children to be their authentic selves without fear or performance.