The Baby Oath: An Adorable Yet Messy Pact

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Just as doctors take the Hippocratic Oath and new citizens recite the Naturalization Oath, we can imagine that babies have their own Baby Oath. If they could articulate their thoughts, it might go something like this:

• I solemnly vow to be a perfect mix of cuteness and chaos.
• I will treat every object in your home as my property, and I will show no regard for your belongings.
• I will ensure my diaper is always full precisely when you’re about to leave the house. If I’m dressed for a special occasion, prepare for an unexpected surprise.
• I will regurgitate on you while you wear your only clean shirt, just to keep things interesting.
• I will turn my nose up at every nutritious meal you offer, while eagerly seeking out anything that could potentially harm me.
• I will cry in public, out of the blue, and for reasons known only to me.
• I will never feel sleepy when it’s naptime, yet I will be utterly drained when you have something important to do.
• You will experience moments of pure cuddly joy, swiftly followed by sudden flailing and headbutts.
• I will detect your fatigue like a radar and demand to be held, rocked, and serenaded at those very moments.
• I will defy every baby-proofing measure you’ve put in place, proving that your efforts are futile.
• My favorite song, book, or show will be on repeat until you reach your breaking point.
• From the moment you bring me home, I will disrupt your sleep, showers, and meals.
• I will crawl before you’re ready, walk sooner than expected, and run away faster than you can catch me.
• I promise to grow at lightning speed, reaching my first birthday before you can even finish saying, “When did you get so big?”
• I will be worth it… (at least until I enter my toddler years.)

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In summary, the Baby Oath embodies the delightful contradictions of infancy, capturing the essence of being both adorable and unpredictable. Understanding this oath can help navigate the beautiful chaos of parenting.