Dinner time used to be a chaotic ordeal in our home. By the end of the day, I was utterly drained, running on fumes of patience since mid-afternoon. My son, however, turned into a stubborn little munchkin when it came to his evening meal. Breakfast and lunch? No problem—he devoured his food without a fuss. But once dinner arrived, it felt like a relentless struggle.
Every morsel had to be chewed down to a mushy consistency, often lingering in his mouth for what seemed like an eternity. I found myself repeatedly urging him to swallow, my anxiety rising with each passing minute. Why do families subject themselves to this nightly ritual?
The dinner table had become my least favorite place. I even contemplated installing a small flap on his bedroom door to slide him his food while I enjoyed a peaceful meal without my blood pressure skyrocketing.
We tried countless strategies. Timers only made him anxious, as he spent the allocated time fretting about the countdown instead of eating. Threatening to take away dessert if he didn’t finish his meal only resulted in tantrums, adding to the misery of an already challenging time. Cooking him a separate meal that I knew he would enjoy didn’t change a thing.
It took me a while to realize that both of us were exhausted by the end of the day. We needed a solution because the mealtime experience was far from enjoyable. So, I decided to abandon my previous rules and try a different approach to make dinner more enjoyable for everyone.
For breakfast and lunch, I made sure to fill him up with healthy options, watching him clean his plate. When it came to dinner, I served him smaller portions of the food the rest of the family was eating, along with one thing I knew he looked forward to: dessert. I explained that he could eat the dessert whenever he wanted, even before the main meal, and if he finished his dinner, he could ask for more.
I made it clear that once dinner was done, it was done—no lingering at the table for hours. When the family finished eating at a reasonable pace, we would clear the table together.
As expected, he dove into his dessert first. Initially, he looked around as if waiting for the new rule to be retracted, but I reassured him it was perfectly fine. To my surprise, he started trying more of the dinner foods as well.
He finished his entire plate without any tears or tantrums, and in record time compared to our usual struggles. It was a game changer—a remarkably pleasant family meal.
Reflecting on my childhood, I remember how dinner was often a source of dread for my parents too. I wasn’t fond of many vegetables and would often play with my food. Forcing me to eat what I didn’t want never magically made it taste better. The rigid rules surrounding dessert only added to the frustration and made me dread mealtime.
Allowing my son to have dessert first has relieved his anxiety about finishing his meal. He now feels empowered to make his own choices, significantly reducing our mealtime battles. I realize now that his endless chewing was simply a way to stall the process, and I wish I had recognized that sooner. It would have saved us both a lot of grief.
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Summary
In summary, allowing my son to eat dessert first transformed our dinner experience from a battleground into a harmonious family gathering. By recognizing his needs and adjusting our approach, we both found a more enjoyable way to share mealtimes together.