Oct. 6, 2023
As a new mom, I absolutely dreaded Mommy and Me classes. It wasn’t the overly cheerful teacher or the silly activities that bothered me. It wasn’t even the moms trying to outdo each other with tales of their child’s rapid development. No, it was circle time that drove me to the brink and eventually earned us the title of Mommy and Me Dropouts.
Circle time was my personal nightmare. It frustrated me to no end and made me question my abilities as a mother. I often found myself asking, “What on earth am I doing wrong?” While other kids sat quietly on their parents’ laps, singing songs and clapping their hands, my son was off like a rocket, darting around the gymnasium. No matter how many times I instructed him to stay seated, he preferred to run, climb, and explore. Rules? Not in his playbook.
Fast forward a decade, and that adventurous toddler is still charting his own course, with his younger brother following suit. They push boundaries, ignore rules, and seek loopholes like seasoned negotiators. When they see a fence, they don’t think “Do not enter.” Instead, they think “How can I get over it?” And let me tell you, it’s enough to drive a parent to distraction.
Raising strong-willed, independent children isn’t for the faint-hearted. It’s frustrating, exhausting, and often leaves me feeling bewildered. I’m constantly telling them “no” and “be careful.” I feel like I need eyes on all sides of my head, and I might as well tattoo “Because I said so” on my forehead.
I’ll admit, I occasionally envy my friends with cautious, obedient kids—those toddlers who wait for their parents before sprinting off in a crowded store, preschoolers who never stray from their own yard, and kids who seek approval before testing their limits. More than once, I’ve found myself wanting to scream, “Why can’t you just follow the freaking rules?”
Yet, recently, I’ve begun to ponder whether their rebellious streak might actually be a positive trait. Perhaps their defiance now could lead to something remarkable later.
Just a few weeks ago, while on vacation in Yosemite, my son discovered that grizzly bears are endangered and extinct in California. That afternoon, he shared a flurry of ideas about how to protect and reintroduce these magnificent animals. “What if we could do this?” he suggested. “Why can’t they try that?” Most of his ideas initially seemed outlandish, and being a rule-follower myself, I often brushed them off.
But later, as he and his brother ran up mountains, forging their own paths without a care, I realized that maybe—just maybe—their fearless exploration could lead to good things someday. After all, it’s the rebels and innovators who often drive progress forward.
Instead of accepting the status quo, rule-breakers ask “Why not?” and seek out new possibilities. Instead of sticking to the familiar path, they blaze their own trails. Instead of saying “This is how it’s always been done,” they challenge norms and say, “Let’s try something different.”
Many groundbreaking discoveries and innovations happened because someone took a risk, experimented, and dared to think outside the box. Sure, some attempts ended in failure, but others resulted in extraordinary achievements.
As I watched my sons fearlessly explore the unknown, my husband trailing after them, I realized that perhaps I should embrace their rule-breaking spirit more often. I, the anxious rule-follower, could benefit from wandering off the well-trodden path every now and then.
Most of the time, my wild and defiant children drive me up the wall, making me want to scream, cry, or pull my hair out. But occasionally, I catch a glimpse of the adventures and discoveries awaiting them if I let their independent spirits soar: confidence, exploration, and a world of possibilities.
The more I reflect on it, the more I realize that not only do I want these things for my children, but I also crave them for myself.
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Summary:
Navigating the challenges of raising independent, rule-breaking children can be exhausting and frustrating. However, embracing their adventurous spirits may lead to unexpected benefits, including creativity, confidence, and valuable life lessons for both parent and child.