March 8, 2023
Navigating the journey of parenthood has proven to be quite challenging for my marriage. I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling this way, right? Everyone warns you that having a baby will change your life, and they are absolutely correct. However, no one prepared me for the moments when I honestly wanted to slam the door on my husband and tell him to just disappear. During those times, my thoughts were far from polite.
I still remember how my husband went above and beyond when we first returned home with our newborn. After about a week of this royal treatment, I began to question how long it would last, knowing that it couldn’t go on forever. Soon, we transitioned out of the initial bliss of new parenthood and found ourselves bickering over everything imaginable—diapers, feedings, sleep schedules, the dogs, clothing choices, visitors, and countless other trivial matters. If he didn’t do something the way I preferred, he was deemed wrong, while he thought I was endlessly nagging (which, in hindsight, I was). Even on the nights where things were particularly rough, you’d think that gazing at our healthy, beautiful baby girl would be enough to lift our spirits, but sometimes it just wasn’t.
Initially, our most significant disputes revolved around sleep. I was utterly exhausted from nursing our daughter throughout the night, while he enjoyed a full night’s rest. This disparity fueled my frustration. When I eventually returned to work, feelings of guilt consumed me as I left our daughter for the day. I worried about everything—did I pack enough bottles? Were there enough diapers? Had she eaten enough? Did she have a bowel movement? My husband didn’t share these worries; to him, life seemed blissful. My resentment only deepened.
As life settled into a monotonous routine, neither of us seemed happy. We barely had time for ourselves, let alone for each other. While our love remained, life had undeniably become tough.
Then, one day, everything changed. After a long day at work, I was prepping food for the baby when my husband asked how he could assist. I suggested he clean the bottles, and he obliged. As I set the food on the highchair, he turned to me and said, “Hey, thanks for everything you do for our daughter and for our family. I genuinely appreciate it.” Honestly, I was taken aback. That simple acknowledgment was what I had longed for amidst the fatigue and frustration.
Looking back, I realize I had only expressed gratitude to my husband a handful of times over the past year—mostly during those early days when he really stepped up to help. I never thanked him for cooking dinner, working hard so I could eventually stay home, caring for the dogs, doing the grocery shopping, or hanging Christmas lights. Now, I make a conscious effort to express my thanks, and it has shifted my focus from what he isn’t doing to celebrating what he contributes.
Having a baby fundamentally alters your life, your identity, and your marriage. It’s undeniably challenging. Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of a fundamental lesson we all learn as children: the profound impact of a genuine thank-you.
If you want to delve deeper into this topic, check out our post on the power of gratitude in relationships here. For those looking for reliable resources on at-home insemination, Make A Mom offers a selection of home insemination syringe kits that you might find useful. Additionally, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine provides excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, expressing gratitude can transform your relationship, especially during the challenging journey of parenthood. Recognizing and appreciating each other’s efforts can help to strengthen your bond and create a happier home life.
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