As my kids have transitioned into their teenage years, I’ve found that our approach to discipline has evolved. Let’s be real—watching a 12-year-old sulk in a time-out chair is just plain silly. We’ve adapted our strategies to suit their individual personalities, focusing on turning mistakes into valuable lessons. I’ve learned that each child has their own “currency,” and for mine, it’s the loss of privileges or extra chores that really hits home when they slip up. We discuss their actions and choose consequences that are fair, yet firm, without dragging their mistakes out longer than necessary. That’s why grounding isn’t part of our parenting toolkit.
When I was a kid, I vividly remember biking over to a friend’s house on a scorching summer day, hoping for some fun company. I knocked on her screen door only to be met with a glum expression. “I can’t ride today,” she lamented. “I lied to my mom and I’m grounded for a week.” As I rode my bike home, I felt the sting of her punishment—not just for her but for me, too. Grounding was like a punishment for both the kid in trouble and their friends stuck at home.
Fast forward to today, and kids have a completely different social landscape. The days of riding bikes to find friends or gathering at parks are largely behind us. Nowadays, kids are glued to their screens, and social interactions are often confined to school hours. Given this shift, I refuse to ground my kids or keep them from their friends as a form of punishment.
No matter what mistake they make, my teens still attend friends’ birthday parties or the Friday night football games. Those moments matter just as much as their math homework. In our day, we learned social skills through face-to-face interactions; now, I want my kids to experience the thrill of being part of a crowd when their team scores or the awkwardness of their crush walking into a party. With their social opportunities dwindling, it simply doesn’t make sense to strip that away as a consequence for misbehavior.
Grounding can also mean pulling kids away from responsibilities tied to sports teams or school clubs. For instance, keeping my daughter off the basketball team for talking back or preventing my son from participating in a play only serves to let down those around them. I’d much rather have an open discussion about their behavior and implement consequences that reinforce our family values without publicly shaming them. Honestly, unless we’re talking serious issues like drugs or violence, I struggle to find any teenage misbehavior that truly deserves a week of being grounded.
Instead, my husband and I typically opt to revoke a social media privilege or restrict their favorite shows. We recognize that while their world is different from ours, our goal is to provide consequences that teach them how to be good people. We want them to know that we won’t use their social lives as leverage for good behavior. Teens today face enough challenges, and they need their friendships to thrive.
Though I may not ground them, my kids are well aware of where the boundaries lie. I’m the keeper of their devices, the one who drives them to activities, and the ultimate gatekeeper of their social plans. So while grounding may be off the table, I won’t hesitate to shut down their screens if needed.
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Summary
My approach to discipline has shifted as my children have grown into teenagers. Instead of grounding them, which I believe removes essential social interactions, I focus on consequences that promote learning and accountability. I want my kids to experience the joys of friendship, even when they make mistakes, and I opt for privileges as a means of correction.