As a pediatrician and a parent, I believe in addressing the topic of sex with my children at a young age. Recently, while helping my 4-year-old, Leo, with potty training, he has taken to exploring his body—often running around the house in his birthday suit. In between his attempts to use the potty, he has been asking a lot of questions.
“Mommy,” he once asked, “will I ever get a vagina?”
His curiosity is both amusing and enlightening. While some questions spark laughter, others are straightforward, like when he inquires about the term “scrotum” or the reasons behind his father’s body hair. Instead of shying away from these queries, I seize the moment as a chance to educate him about his anatomy.
I respond to his questions in clear, age-appropriate terms:
- No, you won’t grow a vagina. Boys have penises; girls have vaginas.
- Your poop comes from that small hole in the back.
- Daddy has hair there because that’s a natural part of growing up.
- Your scrotum is the pouch that holds your testes.
As his questions evolve, I continue to explain concepts, such as how babies are made. “Remember how I told you that a tiny part of mommy and daddy come together to make you? Well, your testes produce those tiny daddy parts when you grow up.”
To facilitate these discussions, we have several illustrated books—some designed for children and others more general in nature. Every night, Leo eagerly looks forward to reading about reproduction, fascinated by the illustrations of sperm, eggs, and the early stages of fetal development. I view these discussions as planting seeds of knowledge, allowing us to build on them as he matures.
I prefer to initiate conversations about sex early on, ideally around the age of 2 when children’s curiosity peaks. They want to know about their origins, the names of their private parts, and how everything functions. I don’t gloss over any details; I present the information candidly yet simply, similar to explaining how flowers bloom or how cookies are made.
It’s essential to foster an environment where they feel comfortable discussing their bodies. Here’s why I advocate for early conversations about sex:
- Body Respect: Teaching kids to appreciate their bodies early can help combat body shame, which can start surprisingly young.
- Consent Awareness: It’s vital for them to understand boundaries and feel safe reporting inappropriate behavior. They need to know they can talk to me without shame or embarrassment.
- Reliable Information: I want them to hear about sex from me and my husband first, rather than through peers or media, which often provide misleading or frightening information.
- Open Dialogue: I want my children to know they can approach me with questions as they grow older. While they may seek out information from friends during their teenage years, I want to remain a safe source of guidance.
My eldest son, Max, now 10, has a solid understanding of human anatomy, reproduction, and even menstruation. When I discussed my writing on this topic, I asked him about the pros and cons of our approach. He remarked that it makes him smarter, although he acknowledged it could sometimes feel awkward.
Nevertheless, he doesn’t find the topic of sex gross; instead, he recognizes it as a normal aspect of life. As for Leo, while he may not fully comprehend that his penis won’t turn into a vagina, we are making progress in our discussions. I’ll do my best to suppress my laughter when he asks if I have a hidden penis.
For further reading on this topic, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. In our journey, I also recommend visiting Make a Mom for in-depth information on navigating your fertility journey. Remember, engaging in open conversations about our bodies can lay the groundwork for healthy attitudes as they grow.
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Summary
Encouraging early discussions about sex with children fosters body respect, consent awareness, and helps dispel misconceptions. By instilling knowledge from a young age, parents can create an open environment for ongoing conversations.