So, you’ve just received the news that you’re expecting — surprise! — and your first thought is, Oh no, not this. You might feel like your life as you know it is over, as if you’ve just tossed your precious independence into the toilet alongside that extra pee from your pregnancy test.
You’re recalling that friend who vanished from social gatherings after her little ones arrived, her chaotic household echoing with the sounds of her rambunctious trio. She was destined to become a doctor, remember? You’re watching parents in restaurants, wrestling with their toddlers who seem determined to explore the floor under the table. You might even find yourself quietly crying into your pasta, wondering if this is really your destiny.
Maybe you envisioned a life full of travel, pursuing your master’s degree, or climbing the corporate ladder. Or perhaps you genuinely desire a baby, but the enormity of nurturing a new life is sending you into a tailspin as you calculate how old you’ll be when your child is finally independent.
When I saw those two pink lines on my pregnancy test three years ago, I wept in fear. I was just 22, fresh out of college and only four months into marriage. We had big plans to explore the world! Teaching was my dream! How could this be happening? Panic set in.
You’re probably feeling that panic too, and that’s okay. It’s perfectly normal to feel anxious throughout your pregnancy, just like I did. You might be questioning your abilities as a mother. What if you don’t bond with your baby? After all, you’ve never been great with plants!
I was terrified at the thought of stepping into motherhood. I imagined a world filled with misbehaving children and stressed-out moms. I once went out to eat with a friend who had kids and cringed as they launched garlic bread across the table in a food fight. And when a coworker brought her newborn to the office, I stayed far away as he spit up on everyone. “He only woke up three times last night,” she said with a smile. I thought, “I can’t do this. Parents are nuts!”
Then, on a September day, I welcomed my baby into the world.
In that instant (minus eight hours of labor), I stepped into motherhood, and everything shifted. I know you’ve heard that phrase before, but it holds a truth that will become crystal clear once you experience it yourself.
It’s going to be okay — no, it’s going to be more than okay, even if you can’t grasp that right now.
What I Learned
Here’s what I learned on that life-altering morning three years ago. It’s a lesson every woman discovers when she gives birth, adopts, or gains custody: Motherhood is so much better once you’re in it.
From the outside, you might see the chaos—tantrums, diapers, and minivans—but what you can’t see is the love. You can’t see the unbreakable bonds of adoration that tie mothers to their babies, allowing them to endure the messiness of parenthood with unwavering joy. When I held my son for the first time, I felt those invisible threads of love connecting us. In that serene hospital room, I realized I was cradling my heart—now even more precious and alive outside my body.
In that moment, I looked back at my terrified, pre-baby self with a sense of sympathy. What did I know back then? Nothing at all.
You might not understand this yet; you haven’t crossed that threshold. But as you grimace at toddler tantrums in restaurants or roll your eyes at your friend’s endless baby photos on social media, remember: the same magic that transforms others into devoted parents will come to you as well.
I know you’re still skeptical. You had dreams of changing the world, of making a difference. You sweet, ambitious soul—this is what life is really about. You’ve always aspired to embrace the unknown and improve yourself, perhaps through travel or climbing the corporate ladder. But here, life has quietly knocked at your door, bringing a depth of experience that is as close to you as your own heartbeat. Allow yourself to grow. Make space for life, just as it has made space for you. This is your shortcut to the heart of life.
As your body expands, you’ll find yourself evolving too—through fear, loss of control, and, above all, overwhelming joy. There is an abundant life waiting for you during this season of parenting. They say there’s also life on the other side of parenthood. Maybe in a year, or ten, or twenty, you’ll pursue that job, degree, or adventure you’ve always dreamed of. It will still be there, waiting, and you’ll approach it as someone who has embraced the beauty of sacrifice and love.
My son is nearly 3 now, and he, along with his little brother, has become one of the greatest joys of my life. But until you’re on the inside, any reflections from a mother of two toddlers might seem overwhelming. If you’re feeling anxious like I did, just keep your focus ahead and avoid small children for now. Don’t worry about the next 18 years or fret over diapers and minivans. Your only task is to make it through these nine months. The secret of motherhood will guide you beyond that.
Ready for more? Check out this helpful resource on pregnancy, or learn about at-home insemination options at Make a Mom. If you’re curious about the process itself, this Wikipedia page offers a great overview.
In summary, while the thought of becoming a mother can be daunting and filled with uncertainty, the reality is that motherhood is a profound and transformative journey filled with love and joy that you can’t yet fathom. Embrace the changes, trust the process, and know that you are not alone in your fears.