I’ve dreamed of being a mom for as long as I can remember. Growing up, I always had a couple of dolls that I doted on, believing I was the picture-perfect caregiver. But looking back, the tender care I gave those plastic companions was a far cry from the reality of nurturing my own tiny human.
With my dolls, I could snuggle them endlessly, feed them, and then set them down to play freely in my imaginary world of cooking and cleaning, blissfully unencumbered. I knew that real babies were different, yet I was still caught off guard by how demanding actual baby care turned out to be.
I cherished holding, nursing, and cuddling my newborn, but the reality was that I needed to do things without a baby clinging to me like a shadow. Unfortunately, my little one had other plans—he simply refused to be put down. Ever.
We were equipped with a cozy bassinet, a baby swing, and even a bouncy seat, all generously gifted to us. But when he was just a few days old, after finally getting my milk supply established, he fell asleep nursing on my chest. I gently laid him in the bassinet, convinced he was in a deep slumber. But the moment he touched the mattress, his eyes shot open, as if to say, “Seriously?!”
I soon adopted an “I understand, but I really need you to be okay without me sometimes” approach. I tried swaddling, blankets infused with my scent, and even white noise. The baby swing was a hit, but only about 15% of the time. Eventually, I threw in the towel. While my husband held him when he was home, I became the primary baby holder. Surprisingly, it wasn’t as daunting as I thought. Once I stopped stressing about getting him comfortable elsewhere, we both found our groove.
I learned about the concept of the “fourth trimester,” realizing that human babies aren’t quite ready for the world when they arrive. Unlike most mammals that can walk soon after birth, human infants are essentially helpless, needing extra time close to their parents. It’s a bit like kangaroos needing that cozy pouch for a while longer.
Babywearing became a game-changer for me. After some trial and error, I figured out how to use a pouch sling, which allowed me to keep my hands free. Even when not wearing him, I mastered the art of one-handed multitasking—who knew I had that talent?
Since my first little Velcro baby, I’ve become a breastfeeding counselor and lactation consultant. Alongside the usual concerns like “Why does it hurt so much?” and “Is my baby getting enough milk?” I often hear, “Help! My baby cries every time I set him down.” It’s important to note that many parents feel like they’re doing something wrong or that their baby is abnormal. While some babies do react more intensely to their new surroundings, most go through phases where they need constant closeness.
This clinginess isn’t a reflection of your parenting skills or a sign that you’ve created bad habits. You’re caring for a human baby, and let’s face it, babies can be demanding little creatures. They are emotional, opinionated, and not shy about expressing their needs.
I completely understand the struggle of having a baby that seems glued to you, especially the kind that makes it nearly impossible to set them down. But I promise, this phase will pass. While hearing that may not ease your burden in the moment, it’s true—by 4 or 5 months, you’ll find more opportunities to set them down. Some babies just take longer, and that’s perfectly fine.
“It’s okay. It’s normal. You’re doing a great job.” Those were the words I needed to hear during those days when my Velcro baby was attached to me 24/7. So, if you’re in the same boat, take a deep breath—you’ll get through this too.
If you’re interested in more tips and insights, check out our other blog posts, like this one on intracervical insemination. And for valuable resources on pregnancy and home insemination, visit March of Dimes and for a reliable selection of kits, explore Make a Mom.
Summary:
Navigating the world of parenting can be overwhelming, especially when faced with a baby who just won’t let you put them down. The reality of caring for a newborn is often much different than what we expect based on childhood experiences with dolls. Embracing the challenges of a clingy baby can lead to happier moments for both parent and child. Remember, this phase is temporary, and you’re doing a great job!