How we foster good behavior in our children often depends on the situation at hand. As a parent, I can relate to the factors that influence my reactions to my kids’ actions. These discussions frequently arise in my pediatric practice, especially with new parents grappling with their child’s conduct.
Two critical factors come into play:
- How much time do we have? Two hours? All night? Ten minutes?
- What is the opportunity cost? What will I have to sacrifice to achieve the desired behavior?
I quickly assess these variables before making a swift decision. Children are astute observers, picking up on every facial expression, spoken word, and gesture.
My little one, for example, is already weighing her options. “What will Dad do?” she ponders. “Will he be late for his meeting? Can I get away with this just this once?” To cultivate good behavior, we need to utilize all available tools; otherwise, we risk raising a child who doesn’t understand boundaries—just a lighthearted joke there!
Here are several effective strategies for encouraging positive behavior, many of which are commonly found in management training and seminars.
Follow Through With Consequences
Rules are meaningless without consequences. The issues in today’s world often stem from a lack of accountability; people believe the repercussions are distant, perhaps in the afterlife. Similarly, if we don’t enforce consequences, our children are unlikely to respect the rules we set. Consistency is key.
Communicate Clear Expectations
It’s crucial to clearly convey what we expect from our children. In our household, we strive to make these expectations explicit. However, as the stock market teaches us, past behavior doesn’t always predict future actions. At the very least, we must set clear standards.
Offer Rewards
Children respond well to rewards for good behavior. This can range from simple praise to stickers or even some treats (think fast food and ice cream!). Depending on their age, rewards could also include extra screen time or a beloved story session. These methods have proven effective.
Set Promised Rewards (or What I Call Bribes)
One of the most powerful motivators for my children has been the promise of a reward. Just like with expectations, these rewards need to be explicit and well-defined—no ambiguous phrases like “a good time” or “some goodies.” Clarity is essential.
In my experience, financial incentives work wonders. Yes, I’ve resorted to bribing them to inspire good behavior. While we don’t use this tactic often, I argue that encouraging a child to engage in beneficial activities for a reward—immediate gratification—is a minor cost compared to the future benefits of avoiding struggles in areas like reading or math.
While it might be easier to incentivize younger children, remember that teen bribery can become costly, as shown in studies from Virginia. Balance is essential, distinguishing between basic expectations and rewarding those who exceed them.
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In summary, fostering good behavior in children involves a mix of clear expectations, consistent consequences, and strategic rewards. By understanding what drives our children, we can better guide them toward positive actions.