Every time I come across a discussion on extended breastfeeding—especially beyond six months—I often see comments suggesting that at some point, breastfeeding is “just for the mother.” We need to address this misconception because, honestly, it’s getting old.
The underlying assumption in these remarks is that there’s something inappropriate about a growing child nursing from their mother. This stigmatization implies that a mother who chooses this path is somehow unusual or unhinged. This attitude doesn’t just come from online trolls; mothers frequently receive advice from pediatricians stating that breast milk loses its nutritional value after the first year. Grandmothers might claim that continued nursing is smothering, while partners can argue that breasts are meant for intimacy rather than nurturing.
Even in my supportive family, I was encouraged to stop nighttime feedings when I wasn’t ready. I was told that I was limiting my own freedom by being tied to my nursing toddler. It felt isolating to have my desire to breastfeed dismissed, and I was left feeling ashamed of my choices.
Mothers already face numerous challenges when it comes to breastfeeding, such as limited maternity leave and a general lack of emotional and financial support. Women should have the autonomy to decide how long they want to breastfeed—be it three weeks or three years. Those who opt not to breastfeed or cannot for various reasons deserve our respect as well.
Shaming mothers for their choices strips away their freedom to decide what is best for them and their children. Suggesting that mothers are selfish or mentally unwell for wanting to nourish their children beyond a certain age is not only misguided but also diminishes the value of motherhood.
Most people acknowledge that breast milk is beneficial for babies, and with some research, many will agree that it has advantages for toddlers too. However, breastfeeding serves mothers as well. It provides emotional and physical benefits, regardless of the duration. Breastfeeding can reduce the risk of various health issues, such as breast cancer, diabetes, and heart disease. It fosters a deep bond between mother and child, instilling confidence in a mother’s instincts and helping her embrace her body.
So why do some perceive mothers who breastfeed longer as being selfish or psychologically troubled? Some believe that extended nursing keeps children in a “baby” state for the mother’s own needs. While it’s true that some mothers may have psychological challenges, it’s important to recognize that nursing itself does not cause these issues. Moreover, the notion that a mother could force her toddler to nurse against their will is simply untrue. Toddlers are assertive explorers and will only breastfeed if they want or need to.
Returning to a mother’s breast while exploring the world provides toddlers with a sense of security, empowering them to be more adventurous. It’s worth noting that many families who don’t breastfeed also create secure attachments with their children.
Another misconception is that extended breastfeeding is somehow sexual. While breastfeeding can be pleasurable, that doesn’t mean it’s sexual in nature. The pleasure derived from nursing comes from the hormone oxytocin, often referred to as “the love hormone,” which promotes calmness and connection between mother and child. Yes, breasts are also involved in intimate relationships, but they can serve multiple roles in a woman’s life without diminishing their value.
Our society grapples with conflicting views about breasts, motherhood, and intimacy. Many are uncomfortable with the nurturing aspect of breastfeeding and how it intertwines with other forms of physical connection. We often lack understanding of the breastfeeding relationship, which is filled with love and negotiation.
As a lactation consultant, I frequently hear from mothers pressured to wean by family and friends. Those around them may feel uneasy about breastfeeding beyond infancy, but the mothers themselves are typically guided by their instincts and hormones.
It’s crucial for mothers to make the choice about when to stop nursing on their own terms. The stigma surrounding extended breastfeeding must be challenged; it’s a matter of women’s rights and personal choice—an essential aspect of feminism. Women deserve support in their decisions regarding how to nurture their children.
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In summary, we need to create a culture that respects and supports mothers in their breastfeeding journeys, no matter the length of time they choose to nourish their children. A mother’s choice should be celebrated, not shamed.