Last weekend, while I settled into my partner’s swivel chair to finish up some writing, I noticed a stack of photos sitting next to his computer. This collection had been there since we started dating a year ago, and I’d glanced through it a couple of times before. But that day, I decided to take a closer look.
At the top of the pile were two recent photos of us—one from our camping trip and another by a lake where we had rented a house with friends. Below those were a couple of photo strips featuring him and his male friends. Then I reached the two images I had been dreading. It felt like scrolling through my partner’s ex’s Instagram—an act of self-inflicted discomfort.
One photo showed him with his ex-girlfriend and another woman, and the second was a small polaroid of just the two of them, the only girl he ever lived with. They looked so happy, arms wrapped around each other, grinning at the camera.
I turned to him, lying in bed nearby. “Why are these here?” I asked.
“I was considering hanging them up,” he replied, yawning.
“All of them? You want to put up a picture of you and your ex?” I held the polaroid up for him to see.
“Well, I hadn’t really thought it through, but maybe,” he said.
We stared at the photo in silence, and my frustration began to bubble. Was he serious? I felt like he was toying with me. I finally replied with a bit of attitude, “Okay.” I handed him the photo, feeling a mix of anger and confusion.
“I don’t have to if you’re uncomfortable,” he said casually, tossing it back into the pile.
I moved to the other side of the room, turning back to him. “But you guys aren’t really friends anymore. Why does she deserve a spot on your wall?”
“I’m not really friends with these people either,” he shrugged. He picked up another photo of him and some folks I didn’t know, all wearing silly hats. “But this was a fun moment I want to remember.”
His logic was frustratingly sound. In a last-ditch effort, I asked, “How would you feel if I put up a picture of my ex?”
“I’m not sure, it might feel a little weird, especially if it was the only one. But if it was among many, then I think I’d be okay with it,” he replied.
I sighed, realizing that my discomfort didn’t necessarily make his desire to hang those photos unreasonable. I contemplated putting up pictures of my past relationships. I liked revisiting those memories on social media—why not display them? I respect those experiences and the people involved, even if I’m no longer in love with them.
His connection to his ex didn’t have to mean he loved me any less. Maybe I was just projecting my insecurities.
“Like I said,” he reassured me, “If it bothers you, I won’t hang them up.” He gently touched my hair and looked into my eyes.
“I’m not entirely comfortable with it, but I think I understand,” I said, managing a half-smile as my frustration subsided. “Maybe we can revisit this discussion in a year, when you finally hang up those photos.”
If you’re navigating similar concerns in your relationship, check out one of our other blog posts for more insights.
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Summary:
In a relationship, the idea of your partner wanting to hang a picture of their ex can stir up feelings of jealousy and insecurity. In this article, Jessica reflects on her partner’s intention to display photos that include his previous love, weighing the implications it might have on their relationship. Ultimately, she realizes that his fond memories of the past do not diminish his feelings for her. The discussion highlights the complexities of navigating past relationships while building a new one.
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My Partner Wanted to Hang a Photo of His Ex in His Bedroom, relationship advice, dealing with exes, jealousy in relationships, navigating past relationships