As I cast a glance at the edge of the bed, it hit me—we weren’t alone. I gently pulled my feet from his shoulders, buried my face under the covers, and wanted to disappear.
Finding time for intimacy after becoming parents can be one of the biggest challenges. The days of waiting for the right mood are long gone; when an opportunity arises, you seize it—no questions asked. I’m convinced that kids have a unique ability to sense when something fun is happening that doesn’t include them—whether it’s treats, important phone calls, or even some adult time. They just know, and often, they choose the worst moments to announce their presence. It’s a skill they’ve perfected without even realizing it.
This shift can be tough on relationships, so here are some tips to help keep your connection strong amidst the chaos of parenthood:
- Adjust Your Expectations: I can’t stress this enough. My Grandma, happily married for over 50 years, believes that low expectations are key to a lasting relationship—and she’s right! After a long day of catering to tiny humans, you won’t have the energy for extravagant encounters. Instead of crazy nights, think whispers and blanket fortresses. If you both manage to get your clothes off, that’s a win! Celebrate the little victories—like when he vacuums without being asked! (Am I the only one who finds that a little bit sexy?) Embrace quickies when necessary and be flexible with what intimacy looks like.
- Location, Location, Location: Co-sleeping can make privacy a rare commodity. But that just means you need to get a little creative! Use the kids’ beds when they’re not around, or get cozy on a pile of laundry. Those bathroom doors lock, and closets can be your best friends for some unexpected alone time. If you have a camper, that’s a goldmine for sneaking away!
- Multitask Like a Pro: When you’re in the moment, you still need to keep one ear open for any little ones. Develop a sixth sense for tiny feet creeping up. With co-sleeping, you might find yourself juggling a toddler while trying to keep the spark alive. Just be cautious—sometimes, focusing too much on the kids can lead to unplanned surprises!
- Flirt and Date Your Partner: Make time for connection outside of the bedroom. A playful slap on the butt or a secret moment in the laundry room can go a long way. Subtle hints can help set the mood, but don’t rely on mind reading—be direct about your desires. If you can find a babysitter, even a quick outing can recharge your relationship.
- Change Things Up: After a while, intimacy can feel repetitive, especially with kids in the mix. Find new ways to connect that cater to both your roles as parents and as partners. Our son sleeps in a portable crib in our closet, which gives us a chance to reclaim our space together. Be spontaneous—when the kids are occupied, embrace the moment. If spontaneity isn’t possible, try scheduling dates; the anticipation can be exciting!
- Creative Explanations for the Kids: “No, sweetie, Daddy was just… giving Mommy a back rub. Go back to sleep!” Sometimes a little white lie is necessary. You’ll figure out how to divert their attention while still enjoying your time together.
- The Chill Method: Seriously, just relax. Stressing over intimacy is overrated. Yes, having kids changes everything, but that doesn’t mean you can’t adapt. Let the baby cry for a few minutes if needed. Sometimes, it’s about finding that balance. If things don’t work out, try again later—maybe even during a late-night rendezvous. Lower your expectations and, as they say, just do it.
For more insights, check out this informative post on home insemination and learn more about resources like Hopkins Medicine for pregnancy and home insemination. If you’re looking for quality products, Make a Mom offers reliable options for your journey.
Summary
Navigating intimacy as parents can be tricky, but it is possible with a little creativity and humor. Lowering expectations, exploring new locations, and keeping the spark alive through flirtation can help maintain a strong connection. Embrace spontaneity, and don’t be afraid to be a little creative when it comes to finding time for each other.