As I prepare to travel for a four-day medical conference, I find myself missing my kids and my partner. My youngest is currently going through a clingy phase, and I remember a time when I left for an early appointment without her waking up. It resulted in an hour-long tantrum. My children are accustomed to having both parents around, so it will be challenging for my partner to handle everything solo for a few days. Still, I will return by Friday.
Despite this, I’ve been asked multiple times if my partner will manage okay and whether I’m worried about him. The truth is, I don’t fret over my partner’s abilities as a father. I recall when our eldest was just a baby; my partner took her to visit his parents alone for the first time. I was nursing, so he packed a cooler with breast milk and set off without me. I can’t quite recall why I stayed behind—probably to meet a grad school deadline or to catch up on sleep. Regardless, it was their first adventure together, and his parents were genuinely impressed.
After their visit, my mother-in-law called to commend me for allowing him to take our daughter alone, saying I was helping him become a great father. I pushed back, insisting that his parenting skills were innate and not a result of my influence. I distinctly remember questioning, “Why does everyone assume I’m the one who made him this way?” Over the years, this narrative has repeated itself, especially as I get ready for my trip. Comments about parenting roles often surface, and while we do have a division of labor at home—like I handle cooking while he takes out the trash—our parenting duties are equally shared.
Consciously choosing shared parenting was something we embraced years ago. We recognized that while I would physically bear and nurse our children in the early days, we both wanted to be fully engaged in raising them. Yet, it’s baffling that even years into our parenting journey, when the kids are in his care, people still ask if he’s “babysitting.” If I’m out during a time when I’d typically be with the kids, friends or strangers often inquire if their father is babysitting them. My close friends understand better, and I firmly respond, “No, he’s parenting them.”
While it’s true that women often take on more household chores and childcare, men are definitely participating. Diminishing fathers’ roles by labeling their time with children as “daddy day care” only serves to undermine their efforts. My partner is a capable, intelligent father who is playful, sometimes strict, teaches our children, and makes mistakes—just like I do.
Recently, I had several evening commitments that overlapped with bedtime, our most chaotic but also cherished time together. Knowing I would be out, my youngest asked, “Is Daddy going to babysit us?” I was taken aback and called my older daughter over for a serious chat. “Girls, we need to clarify something,” I said. I explained, “A Mommy is a parent, and a Daddy is a parent. A babysitter is someone who takes care of you when your Mommy and Daddy can’t.”
My older daughter interjected, “But a babysitter could be a Mommy or Daddy, right?” I affirmed that a babysitter could be either but emphasized that their father is not a babysitter; he is a parent. I need them to understand that both of us are equally involved in their upbringing because they will encounter opposing views elsewhere. When my partner is with the kids, I have complete trust in his parenting.
Tomorrow morning at 6 a.m., I’ll be catching a flight and while I will miss them dearly, I won’t worry. I’ll just wish they could come along.
In summary, it’s imperative to recognize and respect the partnership in parenting. Both mothers and fathers carry equal responsibility, and it’s essential to shift the narrative from viewing fathers as babysitters to acknowledging them as active, engaged parents. For further insights on home insemination, check out this blog post. For more information about at-home insemination kits, visit this authority on the topic. Additionally, you can explore this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination information.