Updated: April 9, 2016
“A dad’s gotta do what a dad’s gotta do.” This line wrapped up a humorous Super Bowl commercial featuring a father who shadowed his daughter on dates—appearing at the movies, the carnival, and even dangling from a helicopter to intimidate her date—all in the name of “safeguarding” her. While the ad, starring a well-known comedian, is amusing, it represents a stereotype that has long overstayed its welcome.
The overprotective dad trope is prevalent in sitcoms, running gags (“Have a son and only worry about one boy; have a daughter and you worry about all the boys”), social media memes (think of that viral image of a dad inserting himself into his daughter’s prom pictures), and various commercials (like the one featuring the comedian). There is humor in stereotypes because they often contain a kernel of truth—many fathers do feel an instinctual protectiveness towards their daughters. However, there comes a time when this humor crosses the boundary from lighthearted to antiquated, from playful to harmful.
I have two main concerns about this old-fashioned joke. First, as a mom of sons, it troubles me to think that, regardless of how respectful and kind my boys may be, others might assume they harbor bad intentions. There are individuals who might perceive my sons as hurtful or manipulative. It frustrates me that boys, who will inevitably face the challenges of teenage hormones, are often presumed to lack control over their emotions. Our boys deserve better than that.
Secondly, the underlying message of this trope suggests that our daughters—young women—are incapable of managing their own lives and need a man to protect them. This idea is not only offensive but also damaging. Women have historically been told, both overtly and subtly, to play coy. This diminishes their agency and autonomy. The societal narrative of women being passive recipients sends troubling signals about sexual identity, control, and personal boundaries. Young women are fully capable of making their own decisions regarding relationships. A clear “no” means no, and a “yes” means yes. That should be the end of the discussion.
Now, while I am a mother to boys and cannot fully grasp the challenges of raising a teenage daughter, I do remember my own experiences as one. My parents were strict in some ways, but my father’s hands-off approach to my dating life was invaluable. He didn’t love all my boyfriends—some he disliked intensely—but he never restricted me from dating anyone or inserted himself to “rescue” me.
Instead, our discussions about boys and dating revolved around my ability to take charge of my own choices. Was this guy good for me? Did he encourage me or hold me back? My dad never doubted my capability to look after myself. Through his lack of interference in my dating life and his somewhat indifferent attitude toward the boys I dated, I felt empowered and trusted to make my own choices, confident in my ability to take care of myself. Did I make some poor choices along the way? Absolutely. But isn’t that part of growing up? Ultimately, when I met my husband, I was certain he was the right one—not because of my father’s approval, but because I believed it myself.
Perhaps instead of perpetuating the overprotective dad narrative, we should focus on promoting respectful young men and independent young women. After all, isn’t that what we hope for our children? Isn’t that who they truly are?
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Summary:
The stereotype of the overprotective dad is rooted in humor but has harmful implications, particularly for boys and girls. It suggests that daughters are incapable of managing their own lives and that boys are inherently dangerous, undermining both genders’ agency. Instead, fostering respectful relationships and independence in young people should be the focus.