Why is it that the only ones in my house who can sleep seem to avoid it at all costs? When bedtime rolls around, you won’t find me dragging my feet around like a tortoise, trying to stretch out those last few minutes of consciousness. Honestly, getting to bed before 10 p.m. feels like hitting the jackpot—but not for my kids. As the clock approaches bedtime, they get an energy boost akin to a Category 5 hurricane, sending toys flying off shelves and creating a storm of chaos in their wake. And when the clock strikes bedtime? Suddenly, everything comes to a halt.
It’s like the calm before the storm: my kids move so slowly that it feels as if they’re rewinding time. Getting them upstairs resembles herding cats away from a sunlit window. After enduring the endless routine of brushing teeth and potty breaks, you’d think we’d finally settle down. Nope! We’re right back into the whirlwind, and my kids are:
- Asking for a drink of water.
- Requesting a snack.
- sneaking downstairs and hiding under the table.
- Materializing by my bedside, poking my eye with sticky fingers, wondering if I’m awake.
- Insisting on wearing different pajamas.
- Yelling “Mommy!” for five long minutes until I finally trudge up, only to hear a simple “Hi.”
- Sneaking into each other’s rooms to check if their sibling is asleep.
- Tattling that their sibling isn’t asleep.
- Quietly entering the bedroom to join us for some late-night news.
- Asking for more water.
- Requesting another story with the promise of chocolate.
- Suddenly needing help in the bathroom, even though they’ve been potty-trained for years.
- Choosing bedtime to recount every detail of their day.
- Calling for Dad just to insist he retrieve Mom.
- Telling me not to leave because they need to share something, then filling the void with “uh”s and asking, “What’s your favorite color?”
- Trying to get their own drink because they’re thirsty—again.
- Asking me to find that toy from the zoo we visited three summers ago.
- Breaking into tears when I refuse to search for the long-lost toy.
- Chattering excitedly while I rummage through bins for the elusive toy.
- Asking for yet another drink of water.
- Reminding me, “Only four more sleeps until Friday!” and can we call Grandma right now?
- Getting out of bed to hunt for the cats.
- Climbing into our bed and asking why we’re sleeping.
- Inquiring about playing on the iPad.
- Insisting they aren’t tired and don’t want to sleep.
Those who’ve survived the toddler bedtime battle assure me my kids will eventually sleep through the night—and so will I. But honestly, I find it hard to believe. After sleepless nights with newborns, sick days, teething, and bad dreams, I thought we’d be nearing the end of this sleepless saga. Instead, it feels like we’re still a solid six years away—maybe even longer. I haven’t given up completely, but let’s be real: the odds of winning the lottery might be higher at this stage. Now, if you’ll excuse me, someone wants to know what my favorite color is.
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Summary:
In this light-hearted piece, Jamie Collins shares the chaotic bedtime routines of kids who seem to find every excuse to stay awake. From asking for water to reminiscing about toys from years past, the antics of children at bedtime can feel endless. Despite the challenges, Jamie holds onto hope that one day, sleep will come easily for the whole family.