For the first 32 years of my life, I thrived on being an obsessive overachiever. I was all about top grades, a flawless driving record, and leveling up in Candy Crush. When my daughter’s due date approached, I envisioned raising a little prodigy who would know her colors by her first birthday and devour chapter books by age 4—okay, let’s be generous and say 5.
As she hit the milestones during her first year, I eagerly celebrated her early achievements, proudly crossing off each one on my mental list. She had a full set of baby teeth by 17 months, so naturally, I was already booking flights for her Nobel Prize acceptance speech!
Then, we spent a day with a friend’s son, a couple of months older than my daughter, who was already navigating the alphabet. My competitive instincts kicked into high gear. If he could do it, so could she! But as she turned 15 months, I realized the alphabet was still a no-show, and at 18 months, she had yet to form any recognizable words.
While her friends were showcasing their vocabulary of animals, family names, and TV characters, my daughter was still trying to master “Momma,” which sounded more like “Mamamamamama.” Where were her words? The professionals assured me she was just a late bloomer and that many kids don’t start talking until they’re 2. But I craved a show-stopping performance at her second birthday, where she would recite the Pledge of Allegiance flawlessly.
After turning 2, we began exploring the reasons behind her speech delays. Terms like “autism” and “deafness” floated around, and we met with numerous specialists. Finally, we received the diagnosis that fit: apraxia. I had to come to terms with the fact that my daughter wouldn’t be the star of her Sunday school class reciting the alphabet backward. In fact, she wouldn’t utter any coherent words until after her 3rd birthday, and it took six months of speech therapy for her to grasp the letter “B.”
Apraxia challenged everything my overachieving self stood for. It felt like all my dreams for her hit a brick wall. How was I supposed to teach her 200 sight words before kindergarten if I couldn’t even understand her? How would I know if she could count to 100 when she only communicated with vowels? How could she give a valedictorian speech if she had trouble speaking?
Fast forward eight months post-diagnosis, and this spirited little girl has taught me to appreciate her unique journey. Whatever accolades I once envisioned may never materialize, and that’s okay. With apraxia, there’s no clear roadmap for milestones, and I, being task-driven, find that daunting. I want tangible goals to check off, or at least insight into when she might catch up to her peers, though I know that may never happen.
Progress is essential, but I’ve realized that her most significant achievement isn’t the day she finally pronounces a word with a consonant. To me, she’s already an overachiever. Every day, she faces the world with a challenge that makes one of the most basic human functions a struggle. Yet, she’s not ashamed. She’s aware of her situation but remains a social butterfly, loves to sing, adores books, and makes friends wherever she goes.
My daughter’s diagnosis has shown me the value of slowing down and savoring her life as it unfolds. I’ve learned to let go of my expectations and embrace who she truly is. I refuse to waste her childhood wishing for what I thought it should be. Instead, I walk alongside her, matching her pace and timing.
The journey with apraxia may be long, but who knows? A valedictorian speech might still be waiting for her at the end.
For those interested in fertility treatments and home insemination, check out March of Dimes for valuable resources. And if you’re looking for more insights, be sure to visit this blog post. They’ve got great information on the topic. Also, Make a Mom is an authority on home insemination kits.
Summary:
This heartfelt piece reflects on a mother’s journey with her daughter’s apraxia, highlighting the challenges of being an overachiever while navigating the complexities of her child’s speech delays. Through her experiences, she learns to embrace her daughter’s unique timeline and celebrate her accomplishments, regardless of societal expectations.