A few weeks ago, while shopping in a mall, I spotted a joyful couple sitting on a bench outside. The man gazed at the woman with such affection that I found myself captivated. He had just treated her to a cookie, and I watched as she delightedly took her first bite, offering him a taste, which he graciously declined.
They were engrossed in conversation, seemingly oblivious to the world around them. As I completed my transaction, I noticed him tenderly brushing a stray hair from her face—a gesture so sweet that it left a lasting impression on me. I lingered at the store’s entrance, keen to observe their interaction further.
She animatedly narrated a story, and his unwavering focus on her face, coupled with his beaming smile, suggested she was quite the storyteller. The cookie she had been enjoying was now forgotten on her lap as he gently wiped a crumb from her cheek. It was clear he relished every moment of their closeness, seeking opportunities to touch her, as if simply being near her wasn’t enough.
Eventually, I felt I was intruding on their intimate moment and decided to leave the store. As I exited, my partner picked up the neglected cookie from our daughter’s lap and turned to me, announcing it was time to leave because I was finished shopping.
As I joined my partner and our daughter, I couldn’t help but reflect on the last time I had seen that same look of love directed at me. Honestly, I couldn’t remember. I observed how he interacted with our daughter—so patient and kind—contrasting sharply with our own exchanges, which had become routine and functional.
Our relationship had seemingly devolved into a series of transactional interactions, filled with requests and logistical discussions. The warmth of our earlier connection had been replaced by curt dialogues and sighs of frustration that we both emitted far too easily.
In that moment, I recognized that our marriage had transformed into a partnership resembling a business relationship rather than a romantic one. It struck me that my husband had devoted his affection to our daughter, which I understood, but it left me feeling like a third wheel.
Like many couples, we had become so enamored with our child that we had neglected the bond we shared. I began to worry about the example we were setting for her: Would she grow up to prioritize security over genuine joy in her own relationships? The thought of that saddened me, even more than the contempt I sometimes perceived in my husband’s gaze after disagreements.
As we reached the car, I noticed my husband opened the door for our daughter and left me standing outside in the cold. It seemed he was unaware of my inner turmoil, oblivious to the feelings I grappled with.
I climbed into the car and sat in silence while he sang along to the radio with our daughter. After a while, he asked, “What’s wrong?” I forced a smile and replied, “Nothing, really,” while joining their sing-along—a typical response for me. I often choose to mask my feelings, preferring to avoid conflict, especially in front of our child.
Yet, that day, I resolved to address our relationship’s issues instead of ignoring them. I chose to appreciate that I had a partner who loved our daughter deeply. I believe that if he can love her so wholeheartedly, he can extend that love to me as well. He likely doesn’t realize I feel unnoticed or unvalued, as I often keep quiet for the sake of harmony—again, a shortcoming on my part.
Additionally, I recognized I had fallen into a common trap: striving to be the ideal wife and mother without asking my partner what he needs from me. My first step will be to inquire about his needs, and then to communicate my own desires in return, as it’s fair to acknowledge that neither of us can read minds.
I intend to embody the kind of partner I hope our daughter will one day become. I’ll show interest in his day, offer comforting gestures when he’s driving, and most importantly, I’ll strive to look at him with the same affection I wish to receive. I believe this will pave the way for improvement in our relationship.
In conclusion, nurturing love in a marriage requires conscious effort and communication. We must remember that our children learn from our examples; the love we exhibit towards each other shapes their perception of relationships. By recommitting to one another, we can create a supportive and loving environment for our family.
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