Parenting Insights
“Would you like to go on a special outing, just the two of us?”
This is a question I’ve posed to my son numerous times, but it’s been a while since our last adventure together. Since the arrival of our baby nearly seven months ago, our one-on-one outings have become a rarity.
My four-year-old, Nathan, is the eldest of three siblings. He has a two-year-old sister and a newborn brother. Nathan is remarkably bright, enthusiastic, caring, and always eager to lend a hand. However, he also experiences emotions intensely and can be quick to frustration. His capacity to love deeply is something truly special.
When his sister entered the world two and a half years ago, Nathan transitioned from being the sole focus of my attention to sharing that role. To maintain our bond, we began going on “dates,” enjoying outings that ranged from simple walks to more elaborate excursions. These moments were cherished, where the destination mattered less than the time spent together.
Another year passed, and I found myself pregnant again. As our new baby joined the family, Nathan embraced the role of “big brother.” He has stepped up as my helper, often expected to behave and minimize my workload. His affection for his younger siblings is boundless, and I know he wouldn’t trade his position as the eldest for anything.
Nonetheless, Nathan often feels overlooked. Just yesterday during Thanksgiving, he expressed frustration at not receiving enough attention from his father, despite spending the day playing together. I strive to acknowledge his feelings and provide reassurance, but it’s challenging to balance my attention among three children. With none of them sleeping through the night, patience is often in short supply.
This morning, I decided to reconnect with Nathan by asking, “Do you want to go on a date, just the two of us?” His eyes sparkled with excitement. He requested to be carried as a special treat, and I happily obliged, realizing how quickly he’s growing.
We opted for IHOP, knowing it would be a fun experience for both of us. As we settled into the booth, he cuddled up beside me, coloring on his activity placemat. While observing him, I noticed a scratch on his cheek and began to take in every detail of his features, almost as if I were rediscovering him. I marveled at the freckles that stretched from his nose to his temples, blending into his tousled brown hair. Where had my baby gone?
Leaning into me, he quietly whispered, “I love you,” and in that moment, I realized I hadn’t scolded him or given him a disapproving look throughout our meal. He felt perfect.
How had I become so disconnected? After our meal, he eagerly gathered the check and asked for money to pay for our outing. Standing beside him, I noted how he had grown taller, his head now above my belly button. I watched him engage with the cashier, and as we left, he requested to be carried one last time.
Once in the car, a wave of emotions hit me. Tears streamed down my face as I embraced my son. When he inquired about my tears, I explained that I understood how difficult it was for both of us to manage the demands of the family. I reassured him that I would make an effort to prioritize our time together, even if it was just a car ride with music. He smiled and agreed that he would love that.
That’s why I prioritize these special outings with my son.
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In summary, carving out one-on-one time with your eldest child can significantly strengthen your bond, reaffirm their importance in the family, and provide them with the attention they crave. Remember, even small moments matter, and making time for your children can lead to profound connections.