When my children were little, selecting their friends was a straightforward task. My criteria were simple: the child couldn’t be a biter, and I had to get along with their mom. As long as the kid wasn’t solving playground disputes with their teeth and their mother wasn’t a judgmental busybody rolling her eyes at my laundry situation, arranging playdates was a walk in the park.
This approach worked wonders for quite some time. Many of my closest friendships blossomed during preschool drop-offs, and I can proudly say that my children have formed bonds with some truly remarkable kids. Listening to the joyful sounds of laughter and the rustling of snacks being raided from the pantry fills me with gratitude, knowing they’ve developed a solid sense for friendship. Our home often bustles with teens and tweens engaged in video games or outdoor activities, and thankfully, we’ve rarely faced disrespectful behavior from their friends.
However, as my son has transitioned into his teenage years, I find myself navigating unfamiliar territory. He has recently started dating, and it’s been a revelation to discover just how little control I have over his romantic choices. As the saying goes, the heart wants what it wants, and as I watch my oldest son wade through the complexities of dating in the digital age, I realize my opinions are no longer the first ones he seeks out when texting a girl.
I struggle to remain silent about my feelings regarding his dating life. The days of evaluating mom’s in the preschool line and deciding on playdates based on potential biting incidents are long gone. The emotional turmoil of letting my son make his own dating decisions has taken me by surprise.
I wasn’t ready for the anxiety of worrying about his potential heartbreak or the need to keep a neutral expression when he expresses interest in a girl from the ‘mean girl’ crowd. The anonymous nature of teenage dating is another hurdle; kids now prefer texting over long phone conversations. Unlike my parents, who could eavesdrop on my calls, I’m left out of the loop, which is utterly frustrating. I never anticipated facing these feelings so early in his dating journey.
Yet, I’m determined to keep the lines of communication open when it comes to his dating choices. I refuse to be quiet about my thoughts on the young women he’s interested in, as I believe it’s essential for him to understand the implications of dating. While the chances of him marrying someone he meets at 14 are slim, I still want him to be discerning and cautious about sharing his heart.
I want him to grasp that dating isn’t a walk in the park and that forming a balanced partnership is challenging, even for adults. I hope he approaches relationships with kindness and thoughtfulness, and I want him to experience the unique feeling of first love. It’s vital that he understands that when a girl says no, it is always a no—no exceptions.
Furthermore, I want him to recognize that some girls might feel pressured to engage in activities to gain his approval. I aim to equip him with the ability to say, “Let’s take our time. You never need to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, now or ever.”
I want to instill in him the importance of genuine, face-to-face interactions; texting shouldn’t replace meaningful connections. I’d love for him to invite his girlfriends over so they can see how we interact as a family and become a part of our lives.
Dating is complicated, filled with emotional ups and downs, but I know he will ultimately find a girl who appreciates every facet of him, even his love for Star Wars. I want him to feel free to be himself, to pursue the smart girl, the quirky girl, or anyone who can engage him in thoughtful conversation.
He must understand that jealousy, outbursts, and anger-fueled arguments are not normal behaviors. I want him to strive for more than just hurtful messages and angry words (and I expect him to refrain from such behavior as well).
Despite my worries, I believe in his love for his father and me. I understand he’s not trying to replace us or move on without us. It’s perfectly natural to have feelings for a girl and to experience the thrill of a crush.
And I will always voice my opinions because one day, when he stands at the altar beside the woman he chooses to spend his life with, I’ll be able to say, “I knew it all along.”
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In summary, navigating my son’s dating life is proving to be a challenging yet necessary journey. As he matures, I remain committed to guiding him through the complexities of relationships while respecting his independence and choices.