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Parenting
I Truly Wanted to Attend Your Gathering!
by Jordan Reynolds
Updated: March 18, 2021
Originally Published: November 19, 2015
For the third time this year, I have RSVP’d to a gathering only to commit the discourteous act of not showing up. To my defense, these were all sizable events—casual cocktail parties, Halloween celebrations, school fundraiser bashes—the kind of socials where (hopefully) my absence wouldn’t be too evident. Yet, my yes-then-no behavior leaves me burdened with guilt. While I’m not skipping out on a lavish wedding or an intimate dinner for six, it still doesn’t justify my actions. I had confirmed my attendance. The hosts were expecting me. And honestly, I genuinely wanted to be there!
To complicate matters further, I take pride in my manners and adhere to traditional etiquette. I still handwrite my holiday cards, believing that personal touches do matter. I compose handwritten thank-you notes, and I invest significant time in crafting heartfelt letters of condolence when someone experiences a loss. I have never missed a volunteer commitment, a carpool duty, or a board meeting without compelling circumstances.
So how is it that I—a person fully aware of the rudeness of a no-show—find myself acting in such a manner?
Not too long ago, after a week filled with the never-ending cycle of baby-related tasks—diaper changes, cooking grilled cheese, calming tantrums, enforcing naps, and folding laundry—I was eager to attend any gathering. Fundraiser for local charities? Count me in! Tea for my neighbor’s mother-in-law’s dog? Absolutely! Baby showers, wedding celebrations, birthday parties? Yes, yes, yes! The chance to socialize with articulate adults felt like a much-needed escape.
But things have shifted. I’m no longer in constant contact with my favorite young people; they are busy with homework, sports, and socializing. Consequently, I’m often on the go—working more, driving tirelessly, and shopping endlessly. My priorities have morphed from needing to escape the house for a social recharge to longing for stillness and family time.
Now, when I receive an invitation, it typically unfolds like this: The evite arrives, and I feel honored to be invited. I adore these hosts! The guest list is delightful, and everyone I enjoy will be there. The theme? Fantastic!
Yet, as the anticipated Friday night approaches, after a week of juggling work, planning, shopping, and driving my kids to various practices across town (yes, they often have late sessions on Fridays), I start to feel exhausted. The week culminates in a flurry of activity, and as the family trickles home, I feel a sense of relief. Finally, I’m seeing my kids and my spouse, and it feels surreal.
This is when I start to reconsider my plans. Wouldn’t it be lovely to just relax with my family? I mean, let’s face it—I’ve been feeling a bit uncomfortable in my clothes, my favorite outfit is at the cleaner’s, and it’s too chilly for my one good pair of shoes. Plus, I’m tired. So very tired. I even woke up early to exercise before the day’s chaos began.
Then, the self-doubt creeps in. No one will even notice if I don’t show up, right? I mean, seriously. Most of those attendees probably don’t even really like me. They might think I talk too much or eat too many snacks. So, they’d probably be better off without me, right?
The reality is that what keeps me home on these nights when I should be enjoying myself is the need to cherish family time while it lasts. The speed at which my children are growing up is astonishing. My oldest son will be off to college in just three years, and I don’t get to spend as much time with him anymore. Here he is, home and wanting to watch a movie on a Friday night.
It’s all too tempting to sink into my comfy clothes on the couch with my boys gathered around me.
For now, these parties sometimes slip through my fingers. I know I should probably just RSVP “no,” but I genuinely intend to attend. I usually do show up when I commit. However, for the nights I don’t make it? Perhaps it’s about embracing the decision to miss a social gathering in order to savor these precious moments at home. Hopefully, the hosts will find themselves in a similar situation on another Friday night and choose family time over a party. I promise I will understand.
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In summary, while it’s easy to succumb to the comforts of home, the struggle between familial bonds and social obligations is a common challenge. The decision to prioritize family time over social events can weigh heavily on the heart, but it is ultimately a reflection of what truly matters.