Every morning, as I drop off my children at daycare, a familiar conversation unfolds.
“Mom, are you coming to get us?”
“Absolutely, my dear! I always come back!”
“Mom, will you be back?”
“Yes, sweetheart! I will always return.”
After giving them hugs and kisses, I walk away. Yet, a haunting thought has been creeping into my mind lately: What if one day, I don’t come back? What if something happens, and I am unable to pick them up?
Regardless of whether I’m gone for a few minutes or the entire day, I always reassure them with a promise of my return. I pray that this promise will hold true forever. However, the reality is that life is unpredictable, and there may come a day when I won’t be able to return. The weight of this possibility is overwhelming for me as a mother, especially as a single parent. I am fortunate to have a supportive family who would care for my children in my absence, ensuring they are loved and nurtured.
But that’s not the crux of the matter, is it? When my children ask me if I’ll be back, they’re not simply inquiring about who will pick them up or if someone else who loves them will come. They’re seeking reassurance that I, their mother, will always be there for them, that they can count on my presence in their lives, even when I’m not physically there.
This longing for a parent’s presence permeates a child’s life, creating a foundation of security. They need to know that I will always be there when they need me, that my love is unwavering, and that I will always return, no matter the circumstances.
The sobering truth is that I won’t always be here. One day, I will take my last breath, and I won’t return. I sincerely hope that day is still many decades away. I want to witness every significant moment in my children’s lives, from their first steps to their weddings. I want to be present for every milestone, ensuring they never search for me in vain.
Though my children are still quite young, their questions stem from a mix of routine and an innate need for reassurance. They may not fully comprehend the concept of permanence, yet they sense the absence of another parent in their lives, which likely heightens their concerns about my return. Despite never having given them a reason to doubt my presence, I understand their need for that daily affirmation.
As a mother, one of my greatest fears is leaving this world prematurely and leaving my children without a mother. This fear is not only mine as a parent but also resonates with me as a daughter. Even as a grown woman, I find myself apprehensive about the day my own mother may no longer be here.
My children will always need me, whether to pick them up from daycare, help them with their homework, or guide them through life’s challenges. A child’s need for their mother is profound, and it is a mother’s duty to be there, if not physically, then in spirit. I pray that I have the opportunity to be present for them every day for as long as possible.
Even when the time comes that I can no longer be there, I hope my children will carry my love within them and understand that I did everything in my power to be there for them. I want them to know that their mother was their biggest supporter and that my love will always be with them, even in my absence.
As long as it is within my control, I will always come back.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the fears and concerns of a mother regarding her ability to be present for her children. It explores the emotional impact of parental absence and the innate need for reassurance in children. The author emphasizes the importance of love and connection, even in potential absence, while acknowledging the universal fears that parents face regarding their mortality.