Updated: Sep. 23, 2016
Originally Published: July 5, 2014
During pregnancy or as a new mother, you may find yourself bombarded with an array of unsolicited advice. You’ll hear things like “cherish every moment” or “rest when the baby sleeps.” Honestly, it can be overwhelming. From my perspective as a seasoned mother of five, I have one crucial piece of advice that I wish someone had shared with me upon the arrival of my first child: Avoid becoming the mother who thinks she knows it all.
I see you there, Overachieving New Mom. You’re just like I was—immersed in research, reading every parenting book, and crafting elaborate lists. Believing that knowledge will empower you to handle your baby’s needs effectively, you may inadvertently set yourself up for stress. Whether you have one child or several, remember: YOU DON’T WANT TO BE THE EXPERT. Here’s why:
My Journey as a New Mother
Let’s rewind to the time when I welcomed my first child. My husband was home for two weeks, but I took on the primary responsibility of caring for our precious baby boy. I thought that my extensive reading made me the authority on all things baby-related. I handled diaper changes, feedings, and had a schedule for everything. Whenever my husband attempted to help, I found myself offering unsolicited advice, correcting his methods, and taking back the baby when he cried.
A Typical Saturday Morning
Fast forward to last Saturday morning at our home.
Early in the morning, I prepared breakfast, convinced that only I knew what the children should eat. I dictated their outfits for soccer practice, even though they had been playing for two months, and I was the only one who knew where their gear was located. When it was time to leave, I tied shoelaces while my husband casually browsed on his iPad, as he felt unqualified to assist without my guidance. I fielded a barrage of questions from the kids, feeling completely drained by 9 a.m. from the weight of planning and decision-making.
In the afternoon, I spent my “downtime” answering emails from schools and various organizations. I was overwhelmed with planning library hours for my kids and figuring out how to avoid certain birthday parties. Meanwhile, my children were occupied with the TV, leaving me riddled with guilt. What was my husband doing? Downloading music onto his iPod!
As dinner approached, I was in charge of ordering our usual Saturday night pizza. Despite having ordered the same meal every week for years, my husband still waited for my instructions. I had unintentionally trained him to rely on me for all decisions regarding the kids.
Finding Balance in Parenting
So, who would you rather be? The busy call center managing every detail or the parent who gets to enjoy quality time with the kids? If you’re not cautious, you might find yourself in the same position I was in. While you might complain like many mothers do, it’s essential to recognize that the situation is largely of your own making.
You set the precedent when your baby arrived, taking charge of all decisions, effectively training your partner to step back. It’s time to change that pattern. Embrace the messiness of parenting—stains on clothes, mismatched outfits, or even a little screen time while enjoying a beverage during the game. Allow your partner to navigate parenting in their way, and you might discover moments of joy and peace. When you return home, resist the urge to criticize any minor mishaps.
I’m striving to modify my approach, but I acknowledge it may be too late for me. Consider this a wake-up call for you.
You’ll thank me later.
Additional Resources
For more insights on home insemination and parenting, check out this excellent resource on intrauterine insemination. If you’re looking to boost your fertility, visit Make a Mom, an authority on this topic. Additionally, for more helpful parenting advice, see our other blogs at Intracervical Insemination.
Summary
Navigating motherhood can be overwhelming, especially when you try to take on every responsibility yourself. It’s important to let go of the need to control everything and allow your partner to participate in parenting. Embracing the messiness of family life can lead to more joy and less stress.