Parenting
I recently delved into Hannah Miller’s book, Embrace the Journey, and it prompted a reflection on what personal failure truly means. Contrary to being a failure, Embrace the Journey is insightful, motivating, and humorous, reinforcing my admiration for Hannah. A particular insight she shared about failure resonated deeply with me.
As a woman in my 30s, I’ve reached a point in my life where numerous irreversible decisions have been made, each scrutinized by both myself and society. This has led me to ponder the true essence of failure. There have been moments when I’ve questioned whether I have failed or will inevitably fail, leaving me to close my eyes, cross my fingers and toes, and hope I am on the right path. Adult decisions carry significant consequences, and the weight of that responsibility can be overwhelming.
In Embrace the Journey, Hannah discussed how she does not perceive the end of her marriage as a failure. Instead, she chooses to focus on the positives. She viewed her decade-long marriage as a success that brought her joy and fulfillment as a mother. Although the dissolution was challenging, it concluded with mutual respect and a shared commitment to co-parenting. Rather than seeing herself as a marital failure, she recognizes the beauty in her new family dynamic and cherishes the memories created.
I identify with Hannah’s experiences of navigating life’s unexpected turns. I understand the frustration that arises when expectations take an unexpected detour. Personally, I’ve grappled with feelings of failure stemming from my decision to prioritize motherhood over career aspirations when my daughter was born six years ago.
During my time at home, societal labels often made me feel like a failure for not working outside the home. I lost count of the expressions of disappointment when others learned I had chosen to stay home. It seemed the expectation was for me to excel in every area, or else I was perceived as falling short.
I’ve often encountered questions about why I wasn’t utilizing my advanced degree, and some have expressed that they could never manage what I do out of fear of boredom. These inquiries felt patronizing, yet they also ignited self-doubt within me. While I cherish the moments spent with my children, re-entering the workforce has not been without its challenges. There are times I feel overwhelmed, longing for doors that seem permanently closed, grappling with what might have been.
Applying Hannah’s perspective on failure to my choice of prioritizing motherhood over personal ambitions has been enlightening. While my career trajectory is not what I envisioned, I take pride in being an engaged parent. The time spent with my children has been both rewarding and challenging, and I acknowledge that my life is unfolding on a different timeline than I initially anticipated. Hannah’s compassionate view of failure has been a source of relief for me; she shows kindness to herself regarding her own experiences of perceived failure.
I’ve resolved to be kinder to myself as well. Not everyone will agree with my choices, and I am learning to embrace that. I recognize that I approach my life decisions thoughtfully, and I am committed to trusting that I made the right choices. I believe that the delays in my professional journey will reveal their deeper meaning over time. For every setback and unfulfilled dream, I trust that a significant aspect of my future is being shaped in ways I cannot yet see. Ultimately, I foresee looking back at what I once deemed failures as essential elements of my narrative, just as Hannah does.
“Standing up for ourselves as we would for a friend is challenging but rewarding.” – Hannah Miller, Embrace the Journey
This article was originally published on Sep. 6, 2023.
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Summary
In this article, we reflect on the concept of failure through insights gained from Hannah Miller’s Embrace the Journey. By examining personal experiences, we reassess societal perceptions of failure, particularly in the context of motherhood and career aspirations. The piece emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and recognizes that life paths may differ from initial expectations, while also acknowledging that setbacks can shape our futures in meaningful ways.