Recently, I shared a thought on social media that I feared would lead to my digital exile. I posted, “I just attempted my yearly PSL (Pumpkin Spice Latte) and regrettably, I still can’t get behind it.” I half-expected a swift response from the Pumpkin Spice Police, ready to strip me of my citizenship or send me into hiding.
As I braced myself for the inevitable backlash, I was surprised to discover that I’m not alone in my distaste. There are others out there who share this sentiment and have strong feelings about the pumpkin phenomenon. It’s clear that one must either embrace the pumpkin trend or long for its rapid decline. But before we find common ground, let me express my grievances.
To those who are passionate about pumpkin, I acknowledge your victory. You have undoubtedly won this seasonal battle, and I must admit, I envy your options. At this time of year, it must be exhilarating to be inundated with food choices featuring your preferred flavor every few seconds. As a chocolate lover, I feel deprived in comparison.
Let’s consider my mid-September errands as an illustration of this pumpkin takeover:
Stop 1: Coffee Shop
Ah, yes—this is where the pumpkin craze began. Starbucks, the epicenter of pumpkin-flavored delights. I knew that from Labor Day to the holidays, I’d be ordering the one drink that isn’t a PSL. Today, the barista announced, “Jane? Your grande NOT PSL is ready!” This was met with audible gasps from the surrounding pumpkin enthusiasts, clamoring for their seasonal fix.
Stop 2: Bagel Shop
Bagels are usually a safe bet, especially in New York City. However, while waiting for my turn, I overheard a mother-daughter discussion:
“I think I want the pumpkin bagel with plain cream cheese.”
“Or, you could get the plain bagel with pumpkin cream cheese.”
“Why not both?”
“Do you think that will be too much pumpkin?”
Their dilemma was comical, but I was grateful for my caffeine fix to avoid an outburst. I hope they made it through the day.
Stop 3: Grocery Store
I enjoy Trader Joe’s seasonal offerings, but their inventory seems to consist of approximately 90% pumpkin products. From Pumpkin Butter to Pumpkin Doggie Treats, it’s overwhelming. I can hardly wait for the peppermint season to arrive because, at this rate, I’m left making my own breakfast.
Stop 4: Doctor’s Office
I was in the waiting room when a man next to me excitedly called his daughter to share that he found Pumpkin Spiced M&Ms. I thought I was in a parody show. Why mess with such a classic?
Stop 5: The Internet
Upon returning home, I faced the digital onslaught of pumpkin-themed content. An email from Pinterest directed me to boards filled with pumpkin recipes, such as Pumpkin Cheesecake Crepes and Pumpkin Pie Martinis. It’s relentless, and I can’t help but feel defeated. The pumpkin invasion shows no signs of abating.
It’s disheartening to see apples, once the stars of autumn, overshadowed by pumpkins. While we still enjoy apple picking and pie, it’s evident that pumpkins have taken over.
In conclusion, I begrudgingly extend a half-hearted congratulations to the pumpkin enthusiasts. Relish your moment in the spotlight, for soon enough, the season will shift, and I will revel in peppermint treats instead.
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Summary: This article humorously critiques the overwhelming pumpkin spice trend in the fall, expressing a longing for other flavors and highlighting the seasonal dominance of pumpkins over apples, while providing links to relevant resources for those interested in home insemination.